HEAD. DESK. – repeat x infinity

Massive icky medical bullshittery (in hospital 11 days)…discharged home Friday…has lead to Maximus Lifeus Fucking Interruptus for me.  Yep, I’m home now (and, srsly, thank God because if I had to spend ONE MORE FUCKING NIGHT in that rabid-marshmallow SUCK YOU IN AND NOT LET YOU GO torture device the medical community calls a “hospital bed” I would fucking blow an artery – really, have you ever tried to even just TURN OVER in one of those fuck-ass pieces of bondage shit?  Forget about trying to scooch around to get comfortable – it ain’t gonna happen) and slowly, slowly… – OMFGODRIC OH SO FUCKING SLOWLY – recovering, but now commences the ensuing daily – sometimes hourly – load of (bullshit-infested) You Have Got To Be Shitting Me + This Is A Load Of Bullshit * What, Again?? chaos.

At the end of it all, though, I am alive.  My nerves are rattled, my daily life is disordered to fuck-all and back, and my sanity after all that may be questionable (fucking hospital beds and their “breathing” mattresses meant to keep bed sores, kind thoughts, and actual rest away can go fuck themselves with their electrical cords), but life goes on in all its battered, misbegotten, ill-spent glory.

I am working on fics – I am (dude, SEVRIN anyone??) – but I doubt Eric would appreciate it if I went off on a rant during a “tender scene”.  (I dunno…he’s a vampire of experience…he’d probably get a kick out of it;  Sookie…not so much, and I’m not gonna go pissing off fairy hybrids, well, not yet…)  Sevrin would probably kind-of maybe get off on some of my tangents…well, in my imagination he would…  *dreamy sigh*  Oy – someone call Willa off me!

So, that’s the State of My Life now.  Ah, the joys…

(Place awkward transition here) All this shit is expensive (the pain, aggravation, and the accompanying bitching/whining are free, though, fwiw…lucky me), all of it, even stupid medical supply things and drugs that you’d never thought you’d have to have, the costs of hospital stays and “specialist” consults and x-rays and a vampire-colony’s worth of blood tests every hour…  *sigh*   A wonderful friend of mine started a GoFundMe for me and while it might be bad form to hawk it here, well… *pfft*…catch:


Donate if you want, broadcast if you want – I tucked it in here at the bottom of the post all sneaky-like so that no one would feel obligated.  I’m awesome like that (or at least I try).

Anyway, hope you guys are having a better day/week/month than I am.



33 thoughts on “HEAD. DESK. – repeat x infinity

  1. I am very sorry for your problems, especially because I have heard a lot about how expensive medical procedures are in other countries and that medical insurance does not always pay everything (the one who has money to pay for private insurance). I regret not being able to contribute monetarily to your release so that you can feel more free still having paid everything and not having that spinning in your head like a tick attached to your scalp.
    I hope I made you laugh with my comments, because it’s the only thing I can offer you for your total reestablishment (Wait! Laughter is therapeutic, right? I promise not to charge you for making you laugh).


  2. So sorry to read about your health crisis. My sympathies about hospital beds, know exactly what you mean (I was in for so long I had an allergic reaction to the mattress covering, not a good look). Plus did you ever have the damn nurses come in and put the railings up while you’re enjoying the small pain free moments (drugs!!!)? Broke one bed’s railing. Hoping that you continue to improve and you are able to resolve all issues.


  3. Oh Mer, I’m so sorry for your medical troubles. Never feel bad about doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, whether it’s resting in an uncomfortable as shit hospital bed or a gofundme. I hope my tiny contribution can help. You’ve given me so much over the years… laughter, enjoyment and amazing and damn funny stories. Heck. You’ve forced me to sit down, take a load off, and read/relax when I otherwise would have been working, working, working many evenings. So, you see, you’ve contributed to my well-being. At least that’s how I see it. 🙂 I wish you well, Mer. My best to you,


  4. Ok, I read your gofundme page and I can totally commiserate with you. Been a T1 Diabetic for 43 years. I’m a double amputee (so take care of those feet and legs) and a kidney transplant. I know hospital beds. I was so sore after one extended stay (3 months) I had my hubs bring in my own pillows and we bought a mattress topper for the f#!@ing hospital bed. Hang in there, do as your doctor says ( I always add the caveat ‘within reason’ it’s your body after all). And most importantly, watch your glucose levels. It’s harder to heal with high blood sugars than with low blood sugars. Feel better soon. patsy


  5. You should never be unwell or in pain. You bring so much happiness to so many. I am glad to hear you are home. Let your loved ones care for you, I know its discombobulating being out of your life for a time but if you rush to be healed/you again you could hurt yourself. Have some real coffee and grilled cheese! *hugs*


  6. So you really enjoyed your hospital stay. Lol. I don’t get it. You are supposed to be resting and they give you pills to make you sleep. Then they wake you up all night to take your vitals. Really????
    The last 2 1/2 weeks has sucked for me. My husband went in on the 27th for a type of heart cath that he had done 6 weeks ago. The doctors were trying to
    Open some arteries. Surgery went well. Doctor told us to go eat some lunch at 3pm. When we returned it had all gone to shit. Long story short he passed away. I have to say he had a team of doctors and nurses that worked tirelessly to save him. I have been running around taking care of everything. My youngest daughter decided to move from her apartment to a rental house. I’ve been trying to help her with that. Why is there so much to do.
    Feel better soon.


  7. Hoping that you are feeling better day by day. I agree that we don’t want to lose you.


  8. cari1973: I love your comments!! And no, I refuse to allow anyone to feel badly that they can’t contribute – your kind words and humor are more than enough for me – laughter is indeed very therapeutic!! 😀 Thank you, hon.


  9. jules3677: Those beds absolutely qualify as torture equipment, I think at any rate. And they’re creepy, too, the way they breathe in your ear and keep moving after you’ve stopped pressing the button to raise/lower whichever part. It’s like they’re sentient and not in a good way. I can’t imagine developing an allergy to the rubberized covering! Not good! (Mine was so big that the railings weren’t a problem but I can see how they could be!) *shiver in memory* Horrible things. Thanks for the well-wishes!


  10. teachert99: Awww, I love the thought that I may have helped contribute to your well-being, too! Life isn’t a race and we should all make time to sit down and relax when we can – and especially when we can’t. I really appreciate your gift – that was very kind of you. ❤ I just hope things (both in my brain and in my life) can calm down enough for me to pick up where I left off. I miss my characters! Thank you for your kind words and support – they both mean the world to me!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. patsy1965: Awww, honey, I am so sorry to hear that. T2 here (heredity and bad choices when younger), and yeah, like my mom said: diabetes is a slow, frustrating, painful killer. You sound, though, like you have strength of steal the way you’ve kept going, kept fighting the good fight, kept NOT giving up, so hella kudos to you, Patsy. As diabetics we have to fight dirty, fight mean, and fight-fight-fight, but we can do this. (Even if those horrible hospital beds are involved…this one “self-adjusted” to prevent bed sores/increase circulation, but damn that thing was creepy!) *sigh* Time to once again impale myself to have blood to test…ugh…that gets so damn old, that and the shots… Bah. At least I live another day to bitch and whine, though, so there’s that! Now for science to develop a cure (and calorie-free sugar we can actually enjoy!) Love, hon, and keep it up. ❤


  12. bashfyl: (Grabs grilled cheese and coffee with a snarl) Nom! It really is disconcerting how removed from regular life I am right now. “Nothing” is the “same” (of course a lot of things are, just, I can’t be actively involved in them which really, really sucks.) But…it’s just a time thing, so… (Where the hell is my Time Lord when I need him???) Thank you, hon. (And being home is infinitely hella better than being stuck in a hospital bed!!)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. treewitch703: ❤ Thank you, hon. I'm getting there – it's just a time (and doctor) thing now. No matter how lazy I've often thought myself, never before have I realized just how much I hate…sitting. Time. Just…time. ❤


  14. bbrock525: *snort* Srsly, “sleep” for me in there was basically naps in between each vitals check/med delivery/IV scream.

    Oh, honey, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. What a hell of a shock! I really do hope things have calmed down, settled in, and evened out even just a little since then. You and your family have my condolences and wishes for peace and eventual joy. Busy work helps, but only so much. Let reality suck in small to medium doses so it doesn’t knock you off your feet when you least expect it. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Happy to be stuck with you. Sending virtual coffee but I think the virtual sweets may have to wait


  16. OMG! I am so sorry you’ve had to go through all that. I am happy to hear you are on the mend and I hope you are getting some much-needed rest. I know how impossible it is at the hospital. I can’t imagine how much your hospital bill is. Ours was crazy expensive for 1 day and we just finished paying off the ambulance ride for the 1st visit. I wish I could help you. Maybe after we get done paying off our own medical bills. Much love and prayers! ❤


  17. No need to thank me. Thank you for your stories. Without them I’m unabled to review with humor (because those are what inspire my very sarcastic humor). So go on with your wonderfull work and thank you very much for that work.


  18. gyllene: Thank you, gorgeous – all prayers and love gladly accepted! It’s an adventure, that’s for sure – a $pendy adventure at that! I hope everything is finally evening out at your house! Wouldn’t a long period of “boredom” be soooo nice?


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