10 SAD TRUTHS ABOUT SOME/MANY FANFICS:

 

 

1- THE STORY IS ALWAYS SET IN A MALE DOMINATED SOCIETY WHERE THE FEMALE MUST AUTOMATICALLY SUBMIT TO SOME ARROGANT ASSHOLE DOM MALE WHO “KNOWS BETTER THAN HER” AND WHO MYSTERIOUSLY ALWAYS HAS THE “RIGHT” TO CONTROL AND PUNISH HER

2- ALL LEAD CHARACTERS ARE ALWAYS AUTOMATICALLY SEXUALLY AROUSED WHEN NEAR, THINKING ABOUT, OR DREAMING OF EACH OTHER (yet, oddly, no one ever manages to contract a yeast/mold infection or priapism from the constarousal…)

3-  THE LEAD MALE MAJESTICALLY DECLARES TO THE LEAD FEMALE THAT HE WILL ALWAYS PROTECT HER, THEN THE NEXT DAY, NIGHT, OR CHAPTER SHE IS KIDNAPPED and/or ATTACKED

4- DEPENDING ON JUST HOW BADLY THE AUTHOR HATES HER – AND I SWEAR, SOME OF THEM DO, THE LEAD FEMALE CHARACTER MUST ALWAYS BE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING:  RAPED, BEATEN, TORTURED, PUNISHED BY SOMEONE (usually, conveniently, the lead male character who “loves” her), TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE AGAINST HER WILL, HUMILIATED, DISRESPECTED, TREATED LIKE SHIT, DEBASED, MADE TO BEG (orgasm denial is a form of torture that, weirdly, fic writers seem to think is somehow supposed to be sexy)

5- THE LEAD MALE CHARACTER WILL ALWAYS “KNOW BETTER” THAN THE LEAD FEMALE CHARACTER YET WILL INEVITABLY FAIL TO ACTUALLY TALK WITH AND TEACH THE FEMALE CHARACTER BUT WILL ALWAYS BE VERY WILLING TO “TAKE HER TO TASK” HUMILIATE/PUNISH/DEBASE HER FOR NOT KNOWING SHIT HE NEVER TOLD HER it’s like he’s purposefully setting her up to fail just so he can beat her because he’s some big macho asshole

6- THE LEAD FEMALE CHARACTER’S WISHES AND DESIRES WILL RARELY IF EVER BE TAKEN INTO ACTUAL CONSIDERATION (but the lead male wants to stick his cock in her “loves” her…)

7- THE MISOGYNISTIC LEAD MALE CHARACTER WILL ALWAYS BE FORGIVEN BECAUSE HE IS ATTRACTIVE, WEALTHY, AND HAS A BIG DICK (and the lead female is either a spineless simpering brainless twit or becomes a spineless simpering brainless twit in his ‘magnificent’ big-penis’d presence)

8- THE LEAD CHARACTERS ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO JUST PLAIN LIKE EACH OTHER WHEN THEY  MEET – STRIFE AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS ARE MANDATORY

9- NO SEX IS EVER ALLOWED TO BE NORMAL AND MUST SENSATIONALISTICALLY INCLUDE ONE OR MORE FORMS OF THE FOLLOWING DISTINCTLY TRITE AND NON-SEXY ACTS:  HITTING (the actual definition of SPANKING), BONDAGE (he has to tie her down to get her to fuck him?), DOMINATION BY PATHETICALLY ARROGANT MALE (his cock is big but apparently his weenie ego demands that he subjugate and control the mentally-deficient female who is stupid and/or spineless enough to let him), ORGASM DENIAL (seriously, that is a form of torture), NIPPLE TORTURE and/or BITING (just… gross… really hope no nipples accidentally get bitten off and swallowed by moronic vamps), MADE TO BEG (seriously? how old, boring, and disrespectful!) and/or ‘WATCH’ (how silly), ANAL AGAINST HER KNOWN WISHES (if he wants to stick his cock up an ass, then he’s proto-gay and just needs to go “explore himself” with a boyfriend who has a conveniently-located anus)

10- THERE MUST BE A (usually female) KNOW-IT-ALL CHARACTER WHO CONTROLS OTHERS BECAUSE S/HE “KNOWS THINGS” OR “FORETELLS THE FUTURE” AND IS REQUIRED TO BE FUCTARDEDLY ANNOYINGLY CRYPTIC AND YET NO ONE EVER KILLS THE BITCH/BASTARD for never choosing to actually be helpful until or unless convenient to their own private purposes  (lookin’ at YOU, AP…)

11- Lucky you – you get a freebie: THERE MUST ALWAYS BE NEEDLESS CHAPTERS UPON CHAPTERS OF ANGST and/or DRAMA WHICH IS THE DIRECT RESULT OF EITHER THE MALE LEAD OR THE FEMALE LEAD BEING RIDICULOUSLY STUPID and/or NEGLIGENT. THIS USUALLY OCCURS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER AFTER THE MALE LEAD HAS PROMISED TO PROTECT THE FEMALE LEAD. (And generally the know-it-all from #10 knows this is going to happen yet purposefully fails to warn any one since s/he “doesn’t want to interfere with Fate”, yet at some later point she will then suddenly decide to interfere with Fate.) (Still lookin’ at you, AP…)

15 thoughts on “10 SAD TRUTHS ABOUT SOME/MANY FANFICS:

  1. These are true, but certainly not exclusive to fanfics. Anyone read the Southern Vampire Mysteries?😉

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  2. gyllene: Sadly… I have a VERY hard time finding fics I can honestly enjoy reading without having to sit there ready to cringe at a moment’s notice about some of that crap. Guess that’s why I love your writing! ❤

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  3. It’s the first one I started writing. And the more I got into it, the bigger it got!
    In my head it’s about three books long. But there are a lot of plot holes and stuff that need to be linked properly.
    It’s like my own person everest story lol. By the time I get ready, no one will care about Eric and Sookie enough to read my rewrite (post Sookie saving Sam with Cluviel Dur)

    But I’ll eventually do it. Even if it’s just for me lol

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  4. gwynwyvar: I think there’ll always be SVM and TB fans – Eric’s too awesome for there NOT to be, and hell, even Twifuck is still going pretty strong and look how long THAT’S been over, so WRITER CHER DANG STORY ALREADY!! 😀

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  5. UGH! Sorry about that, 3 yr old “helping” mom!🙂 Anyway, I was just going to say, my other fanfiction addiction is in the Potterverse, Hermione and Draco. If any of you read from this verse I strongly suggest goldhorse’s stories! She has one named Bound and the sequel Fooling Fate. She is an AWESOME writer and I have read both of these 2 stories multiple times and I laugh, cry, roll my eyes, etc. every time! LOL If you have enjoyed Meridian’s stories, as I have, then you really should check out goldhorse on AFF (www.adult-fanfiction.org). They are both rockin’ writers!

    Anyways, thanks Meridian for sharing all your wonderful talent with the world! I appreciate the escape it allows me.

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  6. Shannon Gray: Ha! But 3-yr-olds are so helpy!! 😀 Very glad you like my work! (I’m great at making lists and making rants, too, lol.) Reading used to be my mini-vacay…till I started writing. Since I can’t do both – timewise, mainly, but also b/c of fear of subconsciously lifting plots and plot ideas – I can do the one or the other, but at least writing is a vacay of a sort, too, write? 😉

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Ahh, you found me. Meridian and I don't know why they stuck me all the way down here, but do you see that "Comment" box below me? Yeah, that one... Use it!

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