Sookie Takes Charge, Ch. 9

Sookie’s thoughts warred with each other. She had a very hard time reconciling the emotionally-overcharged Viking breaking down in her arms with The Bastard who had kidnapped her, imprisoned her in his filthy dungeon, held her down so that Russell fucking Edgington could fang-rape her, and who subsequently fang-raped her himself only to then leave her bleeding out on that table in Fangtasia.

It was hard to consider that the blond giant coming so understandably unglued in her arms was the same idiot-asshole who had then had the gall to order her to guard the fuck-wad who had so painfully ripped a gash in her neck before almost draining her. It was just as hard to remember that he was the vampire who had thought of her not as a person but as his asset – someone to use at his convenience and with little regard for the consequences of his actions.

As she patted and rubbed his back comfortingly, she knew she was holding the ‘Son’ who had lost his ‘Fader’, and her own tears began to gather and fall in compassion. She knew how badly she had missed her grandmother and parents, especially her own Daddy, and couldn’t imagine the loss compounded by having known them for over a thousand years before they were suddenly gone from her life.

This Eric, this person who was good and kind and loving and loyal who lived inside that hard, bitter, condescending vampire shell, this was the person she…didn’t hate.

Maybe even liked.

Some.

Ok, maybe more than some.

Sometimes.

She had seen a completely new side to him in Dallas. Regardless of what he said, from the way he had acted toward his Maker in that basement, in that house, and on that damned rooftop, she knew he loved; she knew he felt very deeply a ton of emotions that he would prefer to keep very private.  She also knew that he only felt that love and all the other sweet, nice things associated with it for Godric, and probably to a much lesser extent toward Pam.

Seeing this further proof of his ability to love felt weird. Seeing him break down like this made him seem uncomfortably… real.

Finally his sobs ended, and he loosened his hold on her enough to lean back and look into her tear-streaked face.

He raised his hands and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. Even in the midst of such turmoil, for some reason he hated to see her cry.

“Godric truly…lives?” This simply was not possible, and yet, his scent… his words said in her voice… In ainm an Athar agus an Mhic agus an Deartháir.

Eric was afraid to believe it. Was it too good to be true, or was it…true?

“Yes,” she replied with a sniff and a smile as she remembered the ancient vampire. “Yes, he does. He’s in Fairy, and he’s doing perfectly fine.” Eric started to speak, so she quickly added, “I don’t know if he can come to this realm or not, though, but he’s going to find out if he can.”

Eric remained silent as the pondered this new information.

How had Godric gone to Fairy instead of to his final death? Why? And if he had been there all this time, why hadn’t he returned to visit? Why was he only now looking into the possibility?

None of it made sense, and he clutched the thick letter as if it were a lifeline.

Suddenly becoming uncomfortably aware of just how close she was to his large, strong body, Sookie took a couple of steps back then turned to call to her the large basket she’d dropped. When she turned back around, the sight of the big blond Viking staring down at his lost Maker’s letter made her heart soften even more.

Seeing the expression of Eric’s inner turmoil so visible on his handsome face, she did something she hadn’t thought she would ever do again. She invited him into what she no longer thought of as her home.

With the heavy basket floating in the air behind her, Sookie walked over to Eric and patted his arm.

“It’s dark and chilly out here. Why don’t you come in the house, get cleaned up, and read your letter there?”

If her fairy-enhanced vision weren’t so strong now, in the full dark she would have missed the look he gave her – it was as if he were seeing her in an entirely new light.

Humbled, grateful, and speechless from a new realization, Eric simply nodded.

The awe in his eyes – for her – made Sookie’s heart give a strange throb, which reminded her that she knew she couldn’t trust him.  What had he been doing here, and obviously waiting on her at that?  She sighed – it only meant that he was wanting something.

Really, how often had he ever called or dropped by just to chat?

Sick of being vampire crack and a bit disgusted with herself for almost falling for his crap again, she turned and headed back toward the house, oddly certain he would be following soon.

Eric, meanwhile, had suddenly become aware of the fact that during his long association with Sookie, he had never done anything truly worthy of the consideration that she had shown his Maker, and certainly nothing worthy of the consideration she was currently granting him.

While it was true he had taken bullets for her during the attack on the nest, it had been his fault that she was there in the first place. It had also been his fault she had been put into the position of needing Godric to rescue her from the FoTS bastard.  And even if he had offered himself in exchange for her and his Maker’s safety, he had mainly been trying to save his Maker, and, once again, Sookie would never have been in that situation if it hadn’t been for him.

It went without saying that everything that had happened to her in Fangtasia, from her kidnapping to almot being drained, was solely his fault.

Shame and guilt flooded through him.

Before now, yes, he had come to realize that he was unworthy of her actions on the night of Godric’s ending; it was a truth he didn’t particularly enjoy but had to accept. Even so, he had still only judged her in terms of her worth to him as an asset: a telepath – a telepath whose body he wanted warming his bed and whose blood he wanted warming his stomach, yet still only an asset. He had never truly bothered to see her as a person, much less as her own person.

While she was gone, Eric had almost convinced himself that he missed not so much her as her usefulness, but at the back of his mind, he knew it was more. He simply hadn’t wanted to admit it – he was a vampire and vampires didn’t…

According to his reception at her hotel room door,. he also hadn’t wanted to admit just how badly he had fucked up with her, either.  Even when he had been trying to get her to listen to him, he had known his excuses were flimsy at best, but he hadn’t really cared. As long as she went along with it, as long as he got what he wanted, it hadn’t mattered. Instead of walking away victorious, he had fled with his tail between his legs with the memory of her pain ringing in his ears and staining his sight memory.

However, fact that he hadn’t ‘won’ stung more than the fact that he had betrayed her trust and her body.  As much as he wanted her – her body, her blood, and her services – she hadn’t been a person then, nor even when he had risen that afternoon. She had simply been the means to an end.

Now, in the face of her caring compassion and generous nature, and in the warmth of her understanding and commiseration, he finally understood.

And it hurt.

It hurt knowing just how badly he had underestimated and marginalized her, just how casually he had used her.

She was smart, very smart, only it was a native intelligence he had not had the sense to recognize or appreciate until now. His greatest abuse of her nature to date could have been completely avoided had he simply talked to her, had he simply set aside that half hour, hell, that fifteen minutes it would have taken to discuss his plan with her. He most likely would have gained her approval, but there was a strong chance that she would have come up with a much better plan to rid them of Edgington.

He would never know.

Regret filled his heart. Even upon rising earlier that very afternoon, his main thoughts concerning Sookie had centered on discovering what he had to do to ensure the use of her telepathy at that damned conference.

He had decided that he would even apologize (again) for whatever she wanted him to…so long as it ‘bought’ him the use of her mind and, hopefully, her delicious body, too.  When he hadn’t been able to find her in Shreveport, he had decided to swing by her old house as almost a matter of habit – a habit he hadn’t wanted to risk feeding since the night of her return.  When he had seen a vehicle parked in the yard, he had landed to investigate, and sure enough the scent told him it was Sookie.

He had followed her scent and light footprints until both stopped abruptly.  Knowing of her heritage, he had then investigated the area thoroughly, walking silently and intently inhaling until he finally located the Portal he suspected must be nearby.

Then he waited.  He knew that at some point she would return, and when she did, he would be ready.  He intended to force her to listen to him, to hear his best excuses and fall victim to his most practiced sorrowful looks.   Her anger with him didn’t set well, and he did want to make things better between them.

And he was sorry – sorry he had been ‘forced’ to use her in his plans to save himself, and her, too, of course, from the cruel insanity that had been Russell fucking Edgington.

He was sorry that he had been ‘forced’ to use her in an attempt to save his Maker.

He was also certain that he would eventually be ‘sorry’ that he would be ‘forced’ to coerce her assistance with the upcoming Conference.

The sudden realization of what a selfish bastard he was sickened him.  He had thought he’d felt badly over his treatment of her before, but it was nothing like this.    Something about her seemed different somehow, and that “something different” seemed to call to that place within himself that made him see her for who she really was, for the person she really was.

Yet, even knowing him to be the selfishly manipulative, arrogant, high-handed bastard that he was, she had still offered him proof of his Maker’s existence, had offered him the comfort of her arms as he broke down, and was even now offering him the use of the privacy of what once had been her home.

Eric lowered his head.  After a moment he straightened up, squared his shoulders, and followed her to the door of the house still selfishly registered in his own name.

**A/N:  Thank you for waiting so patiently for more of this story.  In the next chapter or so Eric will tell Sookie more about the meanings behind In ainm an Athar agus an Mhic agus an Deartháir – your patience about that is also appreciated.  Now, I  I had a hard time with this chapter.  I wanted to show that Eric *had* missed her, that he *had* realized that he’d treated her badly, and that he *had* felt guilty for it.  The thing is, however, he hadn’t really, truly realized that he had been considering her nothing more than an attractive, tasty asset that he could use when he wanted, then set aside until she would be useful again.   While he felt uncomfortably vulnerable things for her, the vampire part of him had not realized that she was, indeed, her own person.  I hope that translated well?  What did you think? of the chapter?**

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55 thoughts on “Sookie Takes Charge, Ch. 9

  1. You did a great job translating how Eric felt and his realizations. I hope they get to talk and Eric doesn’t stick his foot in his mouth. I think Eric talking to Sookie about Godric could be a great bonding experience.

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  2. Still not sure about this story. I’m enjoying…but not enjoying! It’s a conundrum. I feel like everything Eric did has been over-emphasized to the nth degree and while he was an asshole in some respects, he had good intentions and I don’t think trying to explain anything he did, or the reasons why would have helped. I never thought of her as being a “good listener”. Sookie could be pretty unreasonable herself. Quick to over-react and think the worst, I don’t think she would have helped Eric anyway. But that’s just me!

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  3. I think you translated Eric’s feelings very well in a typical male fashion, it tends to take them a bit longer to unearth and understand them properly and for allowing that. I think it’s telling that he only understands those feelings when they’re stirred so closely to the ones he holds for his Maker and perhaps without that connection he wouldn’t have quite come to recognise them in the same light. Kudos to Sookie for having a smidge of sympathy now she can go stuff her face again in time for Christmas without feeling too much guilt 😁

    Now next time you do a poll can we get a write in section too so I can annoyingly remind you of my love for Eric and the Magic Marker?

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  4. Great update! you’ve described Eric’s feelings so precisely…
    Now it’s up to Sookie to forgive him and give him a chance…
    looking forward for more..until then take care…
    P.S.
    Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones…

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  5. bruja6110: Thank you – glad you like it! I’m considering a G/S story, maybe when I finish this one the way I’m thinking I’ll return to a particular part and write an alternate ending…maybe… Don’t hold your breath, but never say never either. 😀

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  6. charity6201: Me, too – I’m so glad he’s realizing just how badly he did screw up, and just how badly he did underestimate her. (In this story he had never quite bothered to see her as her own person, she had always been more a tool he used when needed. Granted he wasn’t generally mean to her, but he certainly didn’t mind NOT taking her feelings and desire to not feel PAIN into consideration when he used her to get rid of Russell without even bothering to warn her about how he was going to abuse her body and her trust.) Thanks for reading!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. saldred75: Thank you, and it is! From one point of view I can see his side – terrified of Russell, figuring he was going to die and wanting to save Pam and Sookie if possible, but when I see SOOKIE’S side, yeah, he did some horrible things and held her down so that Russell would do horrible things, too. Of course she’s pissed! In this story he does have a lot to atone for…and the next chapter of The Moon should be up w/in the next day or three…give or take. (I don’t want readers to get sick of seeing my name pop up, lol.)

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  8. gyllene: Thank you! I wanted to show how his ‘primarily vampire’ mind had been working and how his way of thinking is changing.

    In this story, f he’d seen Sookie as being her own person rather than just a tasty, pretty tool, he would have found a way, I think, to have at least had enough respect for her to tell her what the plan was instead of just kidnapping her and serving her to Russell on a non-silver platter.

    I’m…not sure if Sookie will hang around long enough for them to talk, at least, not right now… ♥

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  9. galwidanatitud: I’m just wondering if Eric will let me see what his Maker wrote to him…he’s awfully private, you know… 😉

    And you’re right – he’d (eventually) started realizing more about how he felt for Sookie while she was gone, but was still vamp enough to try to negate it when she returned and he might then could have done something about it. Now? Now he’s been dosed with a shot of reality. 😀

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  10. ericluver: Bluntly, I’m glad good enough? talented enough? to cause such a conundrum. This story is meant to be seen not only as an AU, but an AU from a Sookie who is just plain tired of being used, of her participation taken for granted, and of her life spiraling out of control. Before she met the Supes, her life – although she was basically living a lie – she didn’t get hurt every time she turned around, her Gran was still alive, hell, her cat was still alive.

    Also, she’s mad. She’s not as pissed off as she had been, but she’s still nowhere near being at peace with all the things that have happened to her or been done to her – including Eric’s actions.

    Now, this is where I say: keep your patient pants on, sweetpea. Yes, I am writing more of Eric’s manipulative, high-handed, pro-vampire attitude in this story, but just as I’m showing a different side of him, I’m also writing a different side of Sookie, too, by showing Sookie having more of a backbone than she usually has (I can’t see the usual Sulky Sookie having the brains, much less the balls, to do the right thing and just kill Russell when she had the chance), but you know what they say about pendulums – they always eventually come back to center…and I can’t say any more than that or I’ll be giving away pretty, precious plot! 😀

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  11. lostinspace33: Me too – it’s a struggle writing them being apart like that. They belong together!!! (Unless I write a G/S story…but that’s for another day/year!) Thanks for reading!

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  12. Kittyinaz: They do! At this point they’re both right and they’re both wrong, differing levels of each naturally, but yeah, that pendulum will swing back to center…sooner or later… ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  13. hisviks: Exactly: Eric = male with feelings who thinks feelings are a disease! 😀 But he’s getting there, and so’s dear Sookie.

    You meant me when you said Sookie/stuffing face/Christmas, right? Cause I’mma be doing that… 😀

    Also: *phlibbith* Ha! If I get time…If I get time…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. carletticlaudio2014jackie69: Thank you!! Bless his heart but he was a convoluted mess…right until the end… Things will start improving now, slowly, but it’ll at least start getting better.

    There’s a really good chance that I’ll be posting another chapter of The Moon, plus POSSIBLY another chapter of EN: ATS, before then, but if I don’t or if you don’t get a chance to read them then:
    MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOURS!!

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  15. Nasty things those feelings and their cooties… maybe Eric’s cooties really like Sookie cooties and perhaps they want to come out to play…

    There’s a bit of Sookie in all of us so when you’re done consoling an Eric go stuff that face or just use Eric as a plate 😀

    *hands over meticulously wrapped box with expensive red ribbon with a nice thick card inside that says ‘time’*

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  16. he better share or else…i’ll throw a tantrum! *pout* 😉

    all vamp and men are alike. a little tap on the noggin won’t do…you need a sledgehammer through their skull to actually get through! 😀

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  17. hisviks: Ha! Don’t tell Eric that or he’ll start trying to invest in Cootie-B-Gone stocks!!

    Sorry, I read that as “go stuff yourself with an Eric”. My bad…

    *sad sigh* I soooo wish…

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Well, well, well, look what it takes to finally have the mighty Viking realize he was acting like a jerk. Hopefully this will allow him to acknowledge all those feelings he has been repressing since a vampire ‘doesn’t feel emotions’

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  19. Glad to see him start to realize that Sookie is more than a useful tool… Now to see Eric really apologize and mean it 🙂 oh and more Bill bashing please 😀

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  20. I think your intent translated very well. Maybe now would be a good time to bare his heart to her. He has realized some important things about himself, not the least is that she still gave him comfort and compassion in spite of her anger and resentment. I wonder what he ‘ ll say when she asks why she was there. Excellent chapter. I love this story.

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  21. See I think Eric had what I call a How could I be so stupid moment — it actually looks like a I could have had a V8 moment with the hitting of the forehead and a stupid look of realization on your face. I am happy to see he admits to being a jerk about Sookie and it was sad to see Sookie realized that Eric was there for his own selfish reasons– so I am looking forward to his apology and groveling to Sookie in the next chapter 🙂 oh and Godric and Claudia are so cute I am just squealing like a Jonas brother fan-girl 😉

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  22. mom2goalies: That arrogant, high-handed tendency to manipulate and self-serve combined with the super-terrible time he’s having in learning how to express his feelings even to himself…yeah, he’s got some work to do… In a way I feel bad for this version of Eric’s character. I’m seeing him as having been raised with the “tough men don’t show love” (not “don’t feel”, just “don’t really show it) crap, and then when he was Turned, the vampire world made it even worse.

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  23. Yes, if he was raised to not show feelings then when he became vampire it would be even worse. This is where Sookie can really help him if she wants to.

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  24. shoegirl01: Sadly, there’ll be a LOT more Bill in future. He’s been sitting around growing his anger and being himself…

    I’m not sure Sookie is truly ready to hear him yet…but she’ll get there… 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  25. gyllene: I know, me too, but they do have some issues to deal with not only with each other, but in themselves, too. They’ll get there, though! 😀

    Hah, and she’s not done with Beehl…and it’s his own fault!

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  26. murgatroid98: Thank you! I wanted readers to know that I wasn’t hating on Eric in this story just to make the story different, that there were (I hope good) reasons behind it all.

    I love “my versions” of Eric – I really do (or I wouldn’t be writing him). He has this delightfully complicated personality that can drive a plot in so many different directions.

    Sookie might be a harder sell than he thinks, but that’s only because his betrayal of her trust cut her much deeper than he thought because she cared more for him than he could see or acknowledge at the time.

    Thanks for reading! 😀

    Like

  27. suzyq591suzy: 😀 Glad you like it!! I adore Godric/Claudia (even if feels REALLY strange hooking him up with someone who isn’t Cara…)! Can’t wait till the story can go back to them…

    I don’t think Sookie is going to make this at all easy for Eric – she does know him, or rather, who he still was when he rose that afternoon… This is, I think, where that good old fashioned Viking perseverance, determination, and guile will come in handy. Not to mention that charisma…and the sexiness…and his intelligence (Eric is a LOT smarter than people give his gorgeous biceps credit for!)… 😀

    **I have that look rather too often…

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  28. mom2goalies: I figure he remembers never hearing his dad tell his mom that he loved her, and also doesn’t really remember all the loving things he did for her, and naturally he wouldn’t have heard all the “sweet nothings” said in their bed alone after dark, either. And yeah, exactly – his vampire nature would automatically see feeling love for someone – especially for someone as “weak” as a human – would be a weakness for him. But he’ll get over it, lol. 😀

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  29. Hard for Eric to unlearn the lessons of his maker -basically, he is in control of his emotions and it has served him well in the rather “dog eat dog” world vampires live in. I’m sure he was thrown for a loop when he met up with his Maker in Dallas and Godric was saying things that were 180 degrees from that. And i’m sure the Viking’s feelings were starting to war with that teaching by Godric when Sookie waltzed into his life. he reverted to type. But, he’s coming around and it’s making him a more multi-dimensional character –hopefully Sookie will start to see his growth…..
    Pat

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  30. duckbutt60: I can’t imagine all the things that sped through his mind when he heard what Godric had to say – that had to have made what was already a confusing time for him so much worse.

    It might take both of them a while to come to terms with it, but they will. 😀

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  31. So glad Eric is finally admitting his feelings to himself. However I have a feeling it will be a looong bumpy road to Sookie actually believing and trusting in those feelings. It’s gonna be a great ride!! I am still hoping there is a way for Godric to leave Fae for a visit w/Eric. Maybe seeing him w/his maker will help bridge that gap between the Viking and the Faerie.

    P.S. I was ready for the next chapter of The Moon before I finished reading the last one so feel free to post away!!!

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  32. missingjasamalways: Sadly, I think it will be a longer road than he would like…lol…but they’ll get there. Eventually.

    Lol, thanks!! 😀

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  33. I Think I Am So Lost In This Story ! I Love It And Can’t Wait For Him To See Godric Again, And So Glad Sookie Is Giving Him That Inkling Of A Shot, More Please !

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  34. very nice…. good to see eric is acknowledging he’s been mostly a jerk to sookie… time to do things differently and honour godric!

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  35. why is it that when you write it ‘ass kissing’ sounds a lot dirtier than normally… or is it when I read it… mmmhhhh

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  36. I think you’ve conveyed Eric’s moment of realisation that he has been a selfish, manipulative bastard really well. I think having him contemplating using her again at the conference via more mind games really shows his true opportunism and pragmatism. But the Godric bombshell should definitely be enough to motivate him to start seeing Sookie as a real person.

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  37. ladytarara: I see Eric as having a constant struggle “now” between his vampire side and his human side – a struggle he hasn’t even had to consider for over a thousand years, yet here comes Sookie drawing out his humanity in a way that he at first doesn’t even know how to handle. Cold logic says to use the asset to its best advantage, yet there’s humanity whispering things like “she’s her own person” and “you don’t want to hurt her”… I almost feel sorry for him. Almost…

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  38. Yes, I do too – almost… 1000 yrs is a long time to live with this kind of beast within / dark passenger and then along comes pretty little miss sunshine in a bottle making him feel things he’s never felt before… That’s got to be painful.

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  39. ladytarara: Any other time I might have spent more words exploring how things are with Eric vx his dark vampire “lizard-brain” because the internal upheaval must have been tremendous when alluvasudden this bright-and-shining sweet little morsel of a mortal comes traipsing through his life, but…this story had other paths. It would have been a good “investigation”, though! 😀

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