BNP: PT 1

Sookie woke up the next afternoon after killing Bill and went through her routines without conscious thought. Her mind seemed to be hiding behind a block somewhere, as though a wall separated her thoughts and her feelings, and she decided that she liked it that way.

It made life easier but the need to clean, to keep moving and moving and moving was overwhelming.

She managed to clean the entire kitchen from ceiling to baseboards before confronting the fact that she’d killed Bill.

With her own hands she had killed the first man she’d fallen in love with, the first man she’d ever had sex with, the first man who’d ever broken her heart.

He hadn’t been the first man to lie to her and he hadn’t been the first man to use her, but he had been the first she had loved while he did it.

Her eyes dashed frantically around the now-spotless kitchen searching for something, anything, to do.

The floor…the floor could always use another good mopping. There had been so much happen in that kitchen, so much…so much blood, so much pie, so much…so much…

Finally she finished with the floor and was drenched with sweat.

She had just made herself a glass of iced tea when it dawned on her that she’d killed Bill because he had asked her to, because he had demanded that she take his life.

He had been too damn cowardly to do it himself.

And he had actually wanted her to use the last of her fairy powers to do it, too, the bastard!

He had wanted her to change something fundamental about herself because he was too damn cowardly to end his own weak existence with his own filthy hands.

Bill was such a fucking coward…such a liar…and he hadn’t cared one bit that, regardless of her past, he had wanted her to become a cold blooded murderer.

He’d had the gall to pay her…to in effect pay her to kill him, had paid her in money and manipulation to end his time on the earth.

And she had.

Sookie stared down at her hands as  though they belonged to someone else.

She had killed him.

She had killed her first love, her first lover, her first true romantic heartbreak and get back together and…because of his own cowardice and incompetence and strange notions that she would never, ever understand.

Her glass sailed through the kitchen window before she even realized she’d raised her arm.

The fact that she’d killed Bill, had killed him with her own hands, sickened her. The fact that he had emotionally manipulated her into doing it pissed her off even more.

The fact that she could still hear the sound of the broken shovel handle going through him…

Soon every dish, every glass, every cup, every breakable thing in the kitchen littered the floor in pieces.

She had lost so much, too much.  Loved ones, friends, her cat, parts of her soul…

Her father and mother had been gone so long she barely remembered them, only felt the void their loss had left in her life.  She had lost her grandmother, had lost her brother who was now so lost in his own mind that she didn’t even recognize him – didn’t want to, even. Tara…Tara she’d lost long ago, and Sam…he was nothing but a lying dog pandering for politics anymore.  Everybody who wasn’t dead or hadn’t flow away was just an acquaintance who kept her around for their convenience.

She’d given all that she had to give, given it willingly, and now she was left with absolutely nothing.

Not one damn thing.

Not even her damn cat.

Sitting in the corner of her kitchen in the bright afternoon light, Sookie faced the cold, hard fact that she had nothing and no one.

Her family…dead and gone in body or mind…or both…

Her first…everything…everything romantic was now dead and by her own hand through his incessant manipulations.

Her…whatever Eric was…whatever he’d been… He’d been hers once…for a while…  Heaven had been hers for a blink in time…then she’d had to watch him leave and her heart had been so blinded and breaking and numb and scattered that she hadn’t realized he was taking such a huge piece of her with him, too.

But he had.

They all had.

They had all taken pieces of her that she couldn’t afford to lose – they had taken those pieces of her with them when they left and there was no getting those pieces back and now all those empty spaces ached and burned as they collapsed.

It was too much.

Numb now to all but the most basic functions and impulses, Sookie placed a tarp over the broken window, and within an hour had packed the few things most precious to her, and somehow remembered to pack some clothing, too.

She left.

She spent the first countless weeks in nameless motels in nameless small towns. Side roads beckoned in a way she couldn’t explain, meals and showers came when she remembered to find them, her meager pile of laundry was washed when she had nothing even vaguely clean left to wear, and calls weren’t made because she had no one left to call.

Eric, Jason, Tara, Sam, Arlene, Willa, even Jessica who undoubtedly hated her…in one way or another, they were all gone from her now.

Bill… Bill had broken her trust with his cowardice and, as she eventually saw, his manipulative ways, but at least he’d paid for her efforts with more than waves of sickening remembrance.

After that ridiculous wedding Bill had thrust a large wad of cash at her, had told her it was her share of his “will” he’d never actually gotten to make, and at first she had refused to accept it.

The thought of his death because of that damn virus was sickening, but the knowledge that he was so fucked in the head that he refused to even take the cure made her even sicker.

He wanted to die.

He actively wanted to die.

That concept was so foreign to her, even when his blood had coated her hands and arms and had run down her body, she still couldn’t understand it.

But the money he had all-but forced upon her person had felt…used.

Like blood money.

It had felt too much as though he had truly been buying her assisted-suicide services in retrospect.

If he was so determined to die, why couldn’t he have just walked out into the sun? Why couldn’t he have just fallen on an appropriately aimed stake?

Why did he have to bring her down with him?

No, he had kept pressing her to do his will – as usual, she eventually realized – both with his money and with his death, and finally to shut him up she had accepted the cash.

Now she was glad she had.

Whether he’d meant to or not, he’d paid the way for her to find her sanity, what was left of it at any rate.

She knew she was lost inside, knew she was deadened and floundering, knew she needed to find solid ground in a world that wouldn’t stop turning, but she didn’t have any directions, no GPS, not even a compass.

Six months passed before the days and weeks stopped blurring together and her eyes stopped just staring at the patterns of the shabby wallpaper in whatever room she happened to be in for the night.

She had no one left, no one…no one at all, but eventually she realized that she hadn’t lost everyone – she still had herself.

Somewhat.

Sometimes.

Sanity might be over-rated but it made buying the odd grilled cheese sandwich easier.

One day she realized that she was bored, that she hated the used car she’d had to buy when her former vehicle had died on some road somewhere, and out of the blue she suddenly decided that she wanted some pretty blue nail polish.

The last realization, startling in its oddness, caused some sort of dam to break and she had cried, wailed, for the rest of that night.

Several days later, maybe it was a week, she couldn’t remember exactly, she found a Wal-Mart. After sitting in the parking lot for half an hour or so, the wilted buttercup sucked it up, and bravely entered the store. Soon enough she’d bought that pretty blue nail polish, several different shades of it in fact, and some polish remover and a bag of cotton balls because she’d never been able to paint between the lines.

On a whim she also bought a local paper and was surprised to find herself in Yuma, Arizona.

Afterward she sat in her car in the store parking lot and looked around as she let her gleaming nails dry. The area looked much like any other big store parking lot, a detail she found strangely comforting.

The generic impersonality of it all struck her as…perfect.

Eventually she realized that dry or not heat was heat, so she started her car. As she circled to exit the parking lot, for the first time in recent memory she realized that she wanted a real meal – something warm with vegetables and meat and maybe a slice of bread.

Fearing that she would probably get sleepy after eating more than a pack of crackers or a bag of chips after such a long time, she guessed it had been more than a month since her last grilled cheese sandwich, she wisely secured herself a motel room for the night.

After a shower to wash off the car sweat, she went in search of cooked food.

As she was mopping up the gravy on her plate with the last of her bread, she thought back to that odd little combo-appliance thing in the room. It looked as though a single-slice toaster, a mini-frying surface, and a 4-cup coffeemaker had some sort of strange Twister accident and were melded together afterwards.   None of the other motels had had anything like that, but then, this motel was decidedly…unique anyway. The room even had a little bolted-down micro-fridge with a mini-microwave on top of it.

Strange things looked like cooking toys, but intriguing.

She then realized with a small burst of something, she thought maybe it was pleasure or longing, she didn’t care which, how it might be…nice?…to have something on hand for breakfast.

Breakfast…she hadn’t actively thought about “breakfast” in so long.

That night two new things happened: she returned to the motel room with a bag of food in her hand…and considered maybe, possibly, staying a little longer in…oh, yeah, Yuma.

She wasn’t sure why the thought occurred to her, didn’t honestly spend a lot of time thinking about it, really, but she rarely spent more than a few nights in any area before moving on to whatever else there might be. Roads were wonderful things and if you remembered to keep gas in  your car you could keep going down them to new and other places.

Something about this place, though, seemed calming in a way she couldn’t define, but figured it appealed because it was so completely different from everything else she’d been used to.

Even the air smelled different.

The mid-priced motel room had been a vaguely pleasant surprise with its bright, clean mid-century decorations, the unusually clean scent of disinfectant, and that weird combo appliance and micro-fridge thing taking up one corner of the small room.

Once she placed her carry-out order on the low dresser, she wiped the old looking phone handset on her jeans a few times, called the manager, and asked about extending her stay a whopping two more nights. She heard the older lady tapping away on a keyboard and was kindly told to come by first thing in the morning to pay for the additional time unless she wanted to put it on her card?

Sookie rolled her eyes. She’d never used that stupid card after she’d paid off what little debt Gran had put on it, but had faithfully destroyed the old card and replaced it in her wallet with the new one every year. She told the lady she’d be down in the morning.

The next morning as the complimentary coffee brewed sluggishly through the mini-coffee maker and her breakfast sat steaming on the tiny table in front of her, she shook out the now slightly crumpled newspaper she still wasn’t sure why she’d bought.

She didn’t particularly want to stay in the area, but she didn’t enjoy feeling as though she was constantly running, either, no matter how pretty the roads were. It wasn’t as though there was anything she was running from, exactly.  It wasn’t as though anyone was looking for her. All the people who could hurt her were either dead or presumed dead or dead by her own hand, and anyone living back there either didn’t count or couldn’t count.

Sookie coughed after she inhaled a sip of water during the unexpected bark of laughter at her unintentional joke, then congratulated herself for not falling apart. She avoided all thoughts of…back there…whenever possible, but sometimes thoughts of him, of what killing him had felt like, of his manic insistence, of his…

Suddenly her breakfast seemed entirely unappealing and she slid the container away, then stopped.  With angry determination the pulled the container back and took a resolute bite of sausage.

It was really good.

Once she had cleaned over half her “plate” and returned it to the micro-fridge, she picked up the paper again.

Even Yuma had to need waitresses, she decided, and while she didn’t actually want to go back to waitressing, it was a skill she and her brain could always fall back on. At one time she’d wanted to go back to school and learn to do something that didn’t involve standing on her feet and catering to assholes for hours, but just now that dream seemed too far away.

When even a full night of sleep was an unattainable dream, any plans for the questionable future didn’t warrant further thought.

Two weeks later she sat, stunned, in her tiny new-to-her one room furnished apartment. Somehow she had acquired a job and a place to live and she still wasn’t sure how either had happened.  She knew that things like timing and luck and her boobs had made it happen, but it was still a blur.

Thankfully both the job and the apartment were temporary if that was what she wanted. There was no way she could handle a commitment to anything or anyone just then, but she had something to do that made surprisingly good money considering the tips she’d been used to making, and she had a cheap but clean roof over her head for as long as she wanted it.

And there were no vampires around.

She’d checked.

Yuma wasn’t anti-vamp, but with all that lovely sunshine…

The years passed.

**A/N:  Should I continue posting this mini-fic?  Does it have legs, or is it a sad little flop best ignored in hopes that it goes away?  Remember, this story is short and already complete…  So, what did  you think?**

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99 thoughts on “BNP: PT 1

  1. First, yes you should keep posting more to this!!! I never never liked that Sookie killed Bill all he had to do was lay down in that coffin in the sunlight and he’d be dead. I mean is it any wonder she flips her lid like that when she realizes that she was manipulated into doing something he could have done himself. I love the blue nail polish part that sudden realization that I will be ok and this nail polish is the first step toward that. But then her still being unsure how she got from point A to a an apt. with a job shows how lost she still is. LOVE it keep posting!!! 😀

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  2. I do love the different tone (so no worries there), and well Bill … *sigh* you’d figure after her experience with Godric’s death and her undying belief that any God she felt worth believing in was forgiving enough to those who took responsibility for themselves rather than burden another, would have some sense and slap the sideburned idiot when he all but commanded she be the death of him in an undying act of love *blergh*. So I was saying… Actions have repercussions so despite Bill being the cause of Sookie’s moment of clarity in her life and led her to dare to do what he didn’t do and took action in a larger sense of the word, is leaving me all the more intrigued to where this will lead her in this suspiciously pleasent little place of nowhere that seems strangely right.

    Oh and welcome to the world of pre-scheduled posting where readers will continually give you the evil eye since they know you carry the goods and won’t share while you desperately try not to give in 😁 Trust me it’ll be fun when there’s a cliffy involved…

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  3. She is beginning to realize that there has to rely on anyone to live on, only herself. It is something she should have thought after the death of her grandmother if not before, but her habit of ‘already think tomorrow’ when tomorrow never came, prevented her from seeing that reality herself. She does not depend on anyone but herself. Go on with this.

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  4. The tone of this fits perfectly with the emotional pain she is going through. I know the writers thought up the idiocy of having her “kill Bill”, and it did continue the manipulative behavior that he exhibited throughout the series, so I guess it made sense. How much better for her though if he had the nobility to meet the sun instead of dragging her into that grave and leaving her covered in his blood..and trying to steal her fairy uniqueness? So glad she refused.
    And now you are going to deal with us (your readers) knowing you have the entire story written and only posting one chapter a week. Be strong, we will whine and beg (see Hisviks’ note above). But don’t feel you have to post more frequently, oh no, don’t feel that way at all…..(reverse psychology, will it work)?

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  5. I love the way you show Sookie experiencing the stages of grief and anger. She, and a lot of other people, went through absolute hell. Seems to me, Bill’s final manipulation was the icing on the cake, or the last straw, whichever way you want to look at it. Sookie won’t realize it, but I’m sure Jason and some of the others worry about her and wonder where she went, but Jason has a new love. They will have to get along without her.

    The thing about fan fiction and posting original fiction for free is that you can experiment with different styles of writing. It helps you increase your skill, something I desperately need. I love the beginning of this.

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  6. Yes, please continue posting. Loving it already. Oh, and we are addictive are we? Want to see the very definition of addictive? Look in that big shiny thing hanging on your wall, you know, THE MIRROR!! Are you looking? See that woman there? She writes the most amazing stories, they are totally addictive. The feeling we get, when we see an update, is giddy excitement, but Oh! the downer, when the page is the same as last time we looked.
    So whom, is enabling whom??

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  7. I like how Sookie realized that she had been used by Beehl to end his cowardice life. All her friendships came with a price that she could never pay. It took a lot of time, but Sookie may have found herself… in Yuma, Arizona.

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  8. This is FANTASTIC! I cannot wait to see what will happen next…will she run into Eric or Pam first or see him in a TV or newspaper ad? What has he been doing? How many years have passed? Will anyone from ‘back there’ contact her? Not even Lafayette? So many questions. LOL. It’s really terrific. I love the new style. Thank you for sharing this!

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  9. Pingback: Updates 12-27-15 | Fanfiction Minions

  10. Enjoying the fact that Sookie has finally realized how much manipulation Bill used on her. Also glad she sees how much she’s given to people and how little they gave her.
    Definitely need to keep reading this story and wishing I didn’t have to wait a week for more.

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  11. oh keep posting my friend, so curious how you will take this and she is such a lost soul we will have to see how she develops back into herself again. and curious why she picked Yuma regardless of the sunshine. KY

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  12. Hell, yes! Keep posting! I’m intrigued. Though it’s not your usual style, it’s still damn good and I love that you’re brave enough to try something different. It worked! Sookie’s grief and depression was quite realistic and now that she’s come through it, I want to know more. 🙂

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  13. Oh, definitely keep posting! Feel free to do so faster than once a week. Daily would be great. Hourly, even better! 😜

    What a freaking coward ScumBeehl was. I’m so glad she is finally realizing he was a cowardly, manipulative, lying sack of shit. I’m not surprised at all that she had a meltdown after all that bullshit.

    I loved the blue nail polish bit, it was the first step towards taking care of herself. I was a little irked by where she was thinking about Eric “walking away from her”. She pushed him away. He didn’t walk away of his own volition. She told him she didn’t want to be with him in that whole stupid “I can’t bear to hurt either of you, so I’ll just hurt all of us” bullshit. Ugh. Hopefully, she’ll soon come to realize that as well.

    Eagerly waiting for more. (See Hisviks’ note!)

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  14. Confidently, I demand more. What I love is that you turned TB back to being all about Sookie. Her thoughts, her feelings, her reactions. This mini-fic feels genuine for our gal. I love that she branched out far and wide. Allowing Sookie to take a moment is beautiful. More please!

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  15. I like it! Glad she finally took the leap and left ‘back there’ behind her. The world is an amazing place and maybe she will find herself (and learn to love herself) Only then will she be able to truly embrace a future with Eric.

    PS Don’t listen to hisviks & valady1, you should post a chapter a day. It is the season of giving after all. 😀

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  16. charity6201: Srsly, without your encouragement this would probably be languishing away in my “Eh, maybe” file. I hated how Bill badgered and manipulated Sookie into killing him when all he literally had to do was walk outside into the sun. That’s all. But he had to be all about himself even to the point of wanting her to waste the fae part of herself on his worthless ass. And exactly – the BNP was the first true “higher thought” (as opposed to just basic survival + grilled cheese thought) she’d had since she’d left. It was the turning point of her getting back to herself. Very glad you like it! 😀

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  17. hisviks: Thanks! The tone will change even in Pt. 2 because Sookie’s “tone” – where she is mentally/emotionally will change, but I wanted the flow of words to reflect her state of being. Heh, I have an alternate mind-canon where Sookie stakes Bill because she’s really just sick and tired of his whiny shit… And you are SO not kidding! I can feel readers’ death glares, lol!

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  18. cari1973: Sookie’s habit of “I’ll think about it tomorrow” was (and is!) so annoying. I wanted to take her from “there” and have her realize that she has to be able to depend on herself – emotionally as well as everything else – to survive. “Surviving” is often times hard work, and she needs to rise to the occasion. (Spoiler: she will!)

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  19. valady1: Sookie’s refusing to let him steal her light was the first time I’d cheered for her after she refused to choose Eric because she didn’t want to hurt Bill (when she refused them both b/c she didn’t want to hurt either one or so the TB execs would have us believe…). I’m glad the tone came over the way I’d meant it to. The next part will have a different tone since Sookie will be in a different “place”, and I hope it goes over well, too. (That’s a bit of a spoiler…does it count???)

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  20. murgatroid98: Thank you!! And exactly – those realizations slamming into her right after she’d basically been badgered and manipulated into killing her first love BY her first love…wow. It’s no wonder her brain basically closed up shop and went into survival mode for a while. And you’re right – this is a perfect format for exploring different styles and tweaking your version of your craft. There aren’t any pitfalls, really. Readers are honest but they’re rarely judgy, and they won’t hold an “Oops, well that was shitty…” story against ya for long, lol. The best (unasked for) advice I can give you is to just…feckin’…write. Just do it. You can’t edit, you can’t hate it, you can’t love it…until it’s on (virtual) paper. You can’t delete it in a fit of angst or proudly show it off to your readers or stare at it blindly for hours during edits unless it’s…you guessed it…on (virtual) paper. You can do it. You have done it. You will do it. ❤

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  21. Claire Louise Smith: Awww, thank you!! But nope – it’s you guys – y’all are srsly highly addictive! 😀 (I’m taking a break from working on Decisions if it helps…)

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  22. ashmo2000: Exactly – and she realized it all, harshly, during the day after she’d killed him at that. Talk about ouch…it’s no wonder her psyche went into survival mode!

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  23. kinnik7104: Hey thanks! I’d answer but…spoilers… *cue omnipotent voice* All shall be revealed… Now, the tone in Pt 2 (and beyond) will be different since Sookie’s head will be in a different place, but I’m glad it went over well for this first part.

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  24. treewitch703: Thank you! That’s exactly what I was aiming for with this experiment/practice piece and I’m very relieved to hear that it worked out well. The future parts will have a different tone because Sookie’s head is in a different “space” then, and I hope the difference comes through clearly.

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  25. mom2goalies: Bill was so incredibly manipulative, badgering and bullying her (emotionally if not physically) into doing what he wanted…couldn’t let that go without a mention… And her so-called friends? They were really helpful so long as it didn’t require any effort and they got something out of the bargain! Glad you’re liking the story!

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  26. galwidanatitud: The ending of TB was a multi-layer fiasco of “let’s see just how badly we can fuck over the good guys”. Ew. At least they did off Bill even if they decided to bring Sookie down to do it. Hope you like the rest of it!

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  27. So true about Bill and the friends – so sad that many people still don’t see it that way. I don’t know how anyone can call Bill & Sookie “a great love story”…think I just threw up a little in my mouth just typing it!

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  28. mindyb781: Thanks! It took her a while to stop running physically, but that doesn’t mean she’s stopped running in all ways… I can tell you that she still has her telepathy if that helps. Glad you liked it!

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  29. kleannhouse: The next part has a different tone because she’ll be in a different head-space showing that she’s coming along and getting her life back together, but… Yuma…lol, my mom (RIP) and I used to tease each other that if we “ever got separated on a mission”, we were to meet up in Yuma, Arizona and go from there… Ok so they might have been imaginary missions, but they were missions, dammit! 😀

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  30. gabbieannie: *spoiler* They do get together, eventually. Ok, that wasn’t much of a spoiler considering that’s my M.O. for E/S stories… *insert quirky comment about how you’ll just have to read to see how the magic happens…* 😀

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  31. estrella75: Thank you! Now, the tone will change in the next part because Sookie will be in a different “head-space”, but even that style will be a bit different from what I’m used to writing. Hope it goes over well!

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  32. msbuffy: Awww, thank you!! That “post” button and I glared at each other for a while before I bucked my buttercup up and clicked it…very glad to hear it worked out well! The next part, as well as the rest of the fic, is written to a different tone from the first since Sookie will be in a different “head-space”, but even some of those styles are a bit different from my norm – I hope. Sort of. Maybe. Glad you liked it!

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  33. switbo: Exactly. She needed to come to those realizations (about Bill and about her “friends”, too), but the way it finally happened really did cause a humongous meltdown. With her “I’ll deal with it/think about it tomorrow/not at all” tendencies, though, maybe it’s what was needed to break the old habits. And also exactly – the day she realized that she wanted something more out of life, even if it was something as simple as blue nail polish, was the day she decided to start living again. Granted it was in small increments, but…she did it. She came through it, and she’ll be fine.

    Eventually.

    The thing with Eric…she was so blinded by Bill’s bullshit – blinded in heart as well as in mind – that it took him basically giving up on her and leaving for his own emotional sanity for her to finally “get it”, but at that time everything was in chaos in her head/heart as well as in her surroundings that it didn’t have that punch to it yet. That was part of her “sitting in the corner of her kitchen” meltdown, and something else that she’s having to recover from over time.

    (That scene where she basically chooses Bill over Eric by not choosing either one of them “”because she didn’t want to hurt their feelings”” still galls! I may have to write a fic to rectify that bullshit at some point…)

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  34. Meridian – please do! I would love to see a fic from you that fixes that bullshit scene. I think I was literally yelling at my tv screen about stupid she was during that scene. Lol! The other thing that drove me nuts in that scene is where she tells Eric “yes he’s lied to protect me, and I’ve lied to him, and you’ve lied to both of us more times than I can count”. Ugh. What bullshit. ScumBeehl lied to protect himself. She lied to him one time that I can think of (when she told ScumBeehl that Eric wasn’t in her house while he had amnesia), and I can only think of three times that Eric lied to her – when he pretended to be “dying” after he shielded her from the bomb and when he lied about not recognizing the werewolf’s brand (and he voluntarily fessed up to that the next night). And, finally when he told her he cared “nothing” for her at Russel’s and since Russel was undoubtably listening to their conversation and Eric was more than a little overwhelmed then, I’m going to cut him some slack on that one. Regardless, maybe I’m missing something, but unless Sookie is REALLY bad at math, she ought to be able to count that high! 😜

    So, if you do write that fic, please, please have Eric call her on that crap! I’ll send coffee if you do! Well, coffee emoji’s anyway. 😉

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  35. fairytaleamber: That’s something I wanted to try, and while it doesn’t remain entirely about Sookie and her perspective for long (no spoilers…!), I did want to start out showing how that series of events affected her. At the heart of every E/S story is an Eric, but there’s also a Sookie, too, and it’s a little too easy to forget that she’s THE OTHER HALF of that combo.

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  36. missingjasamalways: Thank you! 😀 And exactly! The world is huge! It’s filled with so many things, and poor Sookie being basically stuck in what’s described as the backwaters of nowhere did her no justice. She really did need to get out and learn how to survive on her own without being taken advantage of while being given the false security of those kinds of friends. Once she’s found her own feet and learned to not just stand on them but stand on them with confidence, she’ll be emotionally prepared for a real future with Eric.

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  37. mom2goalies: They’re probably the same ones who think non-con is romantic… Yeah, I don’t get how “guy lies to girl about mission, takes her virginity under false pretenses, all-but drains her in van, emotionally bullies and manipulates her actions” could possibly translate as being “romantic” in any way. Darn our logic! 😀

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  38. switbo: I gotta be honest – if I rewrote that scene, I’d be taking that “Eric is a lying liar who lies all the lying lies” bullshit right out and flushing it. Sure, he did go frat-boy proto-dick with the bullet scene, but even then at the back of his mind he did it because his heart – an organ he didn’t even fully recognize at the time – needed to feel that closeness with her, and if she’d had his blood beforehand, he’d have been able to better feel, therefore protect and locate, her, so I’d give him a partial pass there (only being glarey-eye’d over him not getting her permission first before giving her his blood). And in life/death situations, dude, Sookie, LIES DON’T COUNT. You say your sorries afterward and explain why you said whatever, but you get a free pass when lives are at risk! Sookie going all holier-than-thou shows her raisin’ and not in a good way. The Were brands? Yeah, I have to agree – total lie…but he came clean later AND it was done for self-protection and, in a strange way, for Sookie’s protection, too. Not necessarily a free pass, but entirely understandable.

    Sookie didn’t spend a lot of time being Little Miss Perfect and didn’t mind when Bill fucked up, but she sure expected Eric to be perfect 24/7. (I go with the theory that she expected better of Eric because her feelings for him were deeper and stronger than she wanted to admit and therefore not only expected “better” of him, but subconsciously set him up to fail so that she wouldn’t have to face how she really felt.)

    Bill lied his lyin’ lies all over the place just because he wanted to. Period. It’s as though he thought his lies were rain and the land was parched.

    I have a blue billion plots, story-starts, and even a couple of fics-on-hold I need to clear out – not to mention the current batch of WIPs to complete, but yeah, this is in the potential rotation.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Yeah, I totally agree that lies during life or death situations (ie: anything involving Russell) don’t count. You do/say what you need to get everyone out alive and sort it out later. I definitely agree that his heart was in the right place with the bullet/shrapnel, but can admit that his dick probably had something to with it too, so I’d also only give him a partial pass on that. Besides, it’s not like he forced her to suck the bullet out or, you know, say for instance, had her beaten to within an inch of death so he’d have an excuse to give her blood. Can’t think of anyone low enough to do that. 😉

    I can’t say I’d blame you for taking that bullshit out of the scene entirely, but I’d still like to see someone write a fix where Eric responds “Now, hold up! What EXACTLY are all these lies I’ve supposedly told?” and make her actually think about the B.S. she’s spewing.

    I like your theory on why she held Eric to a higher standard. I’ve always assumed that it was due to ScumBeehl’s blood influence pushing her to distrust and fear Eric because that cowardly weasel was afraid of him, but your theory is a very interesting take on it. She definitely feared how much she loved him after the amnesia storyline in the books and feared his rejection so she defensively rejected him first. But the idea that she feared her emotions early on is very intriguing.

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  40. switbo: You totally made me spew my coffee with that as I certainly can’t think of anyone low enough to do that…

    Therein lies the problem – in a way I want to include the bit about the lying just to clear the air and give Eric his highly deserved chance to OH HELL NO her ass, but on the flipside I wouldn’t want her (obviously if I’m writing it) choosing of Eric tainted by that crap (although I’m already working out a third option…for if I ever tackle this bit…).

    I think Sookie’s initial impression of Eric was highly influenced by Bill’s blood and Bill’s own obsessively negative option of our Viking, but as time progressed and she began knowing him for who he (mostly) really is, she fought an internal war over who was real – Bill’s “totally evil” version, or the version blooming before her eyes who was neither entirely good nor especially entirely bad.

    AmnesiaEric broke her brain. He was all she could have ever hoped for in one gorgeous package, but then…he was gone, and in more ways than one. After that it was extremely easy (and potentially heart-saving in its own way) for her to then hold him to an impossibly high standard – one she’d already been slowly implementing from the first time she realized he wasn’t as bad as Bill had wanted her to believe.

    Also, keep in mind that if she didn’t follow Bill’s lead, if she’d started seeing good things about Eric and feeling more kindly toward him, she’d have felt disloyal to “her first one twue wuv”, too. There again, holding Eric to that impossibly high standard saved the day…

    I see Sookie has being emotionally underdeveloped to the point of being stunted for the longest time. The isolation caused by her gift, her gran (we all know I have issues with ‘beat’em up Gran’…), her community, her poverty…yeah, she was already emotionally underdeveloped and ripe for the Bill-pickin’s.

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  41. I’m sorry about your coffee, here let me replace that for you…☕️ And, if it’s any consolation, your “twue wuv” bit made me snort my diet coke.

    I think your analysis of Sookie makes a lot of sense. She was definitely emotionally stunted and ripe for ScumBeehl’s machinations.

    I don’t see Eric “oh hell no”ing her (love that -BTW) as tainting her choice. I love the idea of her spewing out that crap because she’s so blinded by ScumBeehl’s influence, but when Eric makes her actually stop and attempt to iterate his so-called “lies” she has to apply her intellect and realizes that he hasn’t really lied to her very much. (And that when he has, he usually fesses up immediately and without prompting.)

    And now, I’ve lost my train of thought and I’m picturing Godric’s ghost dancing around Eric yelling “ScumBeehl, ScumBeehl” at him while he tries to convince Eric that Sookie is his “to blave” and that he should fight for her. So, thanks for that. 😝

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  42. switbo: You’re totally seeing Godric in lederhosen and ballet slippers, aren’t you…

    And it would (sadly) be in Sookie’s character to spew the “Eric – you lie all the lying lies!” crap because until then, that’s what she’d apparently been thinking/encouraging herself to think, and one thing about Sookie – once she snags a thought, bae keeps it… (And I mean that in the more Danish sense of the word.) If Eric calls her on it in such a way that she has to actually THINK about it and cough up the instances and then see the reasoning behind the few that there were, the results will stick with her.

    See also: twue wuv Godric…in theaters near you…

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  43. Well, I am NOW. Again, thanks for that. That’s probably going to creep into my dreams tonight.

    That’s exactly what I was thinking, make her actually consider what the hell she is talking about and then she’ll come to her senses. She doesn’t strike me as stupid, per se, just blinded by ScumBeehl. (Well, by season 7 she was definitely stupid, but that’s a rant for another day! Lol)

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  44. switbo: Shhh…shhhh…there, there… Season 7 never happened – it was all an ergot dream by the Powers Determined To Fuck Everything Up As Badly As Possible.

    (Well, it did in a couple of my stories but I’m fixing that shit-fest as fast as I can)

    It’ll allll be ok…and Eric was never “air bathing” on a freakin’ snow-covered mountain in the freakin’ daylight with no freakin’ shelter nearby, either…

    *huffily chugs non-dainty sip of handy-dandy coffee with much huff’ery*

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  45. Sniff, sniff. But it was SO horrible, it was all just a dream? Really and for true? 🙈🙉🙊

    Lol. I never watched season 7. I actually never even finished season 6. ScumBeehl as a “God” was just too much for my delicate sensibilities. I was going to go back and finish 6 if 7 looked to turn out worthwhile, but I quickly read that wasn’t the case. I only know as much as I do thanks to all you lovely writers trying to fix that cluster-frackis. (Thanks! Sends more coffee ☕️)

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  46. switbo: Ohhh hon, I so do NOT blame you for not watching that Crime Against Common Sense (and Eric). Enjoy the screenshots of The Glorious Viking, and maybe a few clips and gifs, but leave the actual viewing alone… (Gladly accepts more coffee…the memories…the memories, they burn…)

    Liked by 1 person

  47. That was exactly my plan. The pretty screenshot of Eric and Sookie hugging and the funny gif of Eric bopping along to music all blood covered in his car are all I’ve “seen” of season 7. And, of course, I’ve read all the wonderful fics fixing that monstrosity.

    P.S. I see my *evil* plan with sending you coffee worked and we have two (count them – two!) lovely new chapters this morning! I’m off to read!

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Great start! Got to ask…how in the hell did you pick Yuma? I lived there when I was younger for 7 years.. I consider it where I grew up. I went back about 25 years later. Went to the old houses that we lived it. Went to my old schools. It was weird. Things had changed. Your selection of towns was way out there..lol

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  49. ok, I am going to warn you, I may not review every chapter, you have me hooked and I want to hit that next button more than anything else. But I will hit the like button. But I will see you later, unless I want to tell you something in between times…

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  50. I just found this story. I am so glad lovey people like you are still writing for this fandom as I am totally addicted to it. Yeah Bill is a scum bag but he always was and at least he was true to his character. It seems like Sookie is finally coming to grips about how he really was. Is his blood finally wearing off? Face it in spite of all her sassiness Sookie was kind of a doormat. I really understand that though. She really wanted to be loved so badly and the only one who really loved her was Gran. Every one else had conditions. So Sookie tried to fulfill those. She was a sad lost little girl long before a vampire came into her life. Because down deep she never felt worthy of being really loved she set herself up for failure. She knows how to live without love. I am sure the thought of real love with Eric frightened her to death. Now there is no one there pulling on her so maybe she can get her head right.

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  51. A finished story. Woohoo!
    Love this. A different tone, but nice!
    I hated that Sookie gave in to Bill. He was such a manipulative bastard.

    Nice to see Sookie come out of the fog!
    Time to click next 🙂

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  52. desireecarbenell: I’ve had people trying to convince me that this fandom is dying but…but…but how can it be “dying” when there are at least a few of us still dreaming up new and better ways for E/S to meet, to solve the problems that other (questionable even if they were paid for it…) writers have thrown between them, etc?? I also love mutating Sookie from “Stoopie” back to “my Sookie” (therefore going AU) ASAP, too. And you’re right – honestly the idea of a real love with someone like Eric – not only the physical embodiment of pretty much perfection but who comes with over a thousand years of experience, possible baggage of his own, intelligence and knowledge, confidence but not being accustomed to feeling much less showing romantic love…yeah, it’d be daunting…irresistibly daunting… 😀 Lol, hope you enjoy the story!

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  53. gwynwyvar: 😀 Yup – love that it’s finished (so not commenting on my others that are taking forever TO finish…). Poor Sookie, she has a rough time in this fic but yeah, you know I guarantee a HEA… Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Unfortunately, I’m still not as free as I want to be, so I’ve had to be strict about what I read. If I read WIP, I obsess over what next. Which hasn’t helped with study or work. I think I’ve read 2 WIP in the last 18mths. Both very short.
    I probably would have read this if I caught it, as you were posting regularly and already finished. But I’m trying not to tempt myself too badly with WP…. And all the pretty WIP in my reader…
    Hugs. And good luck with the nomination!!!

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  55. gwynwyvar: I know exactly what you mean. I’m lucky that I have (can carve out) time to either write or read, very rarely both, so I generally use my time to write (when I can carve it out, lol). I’m also in danger of becoming that which I can’t stand: one of those writers who starts new stories before wrapping up the WIPS… BNP was initially just going to be a humongo one-shot but that li’l darlin’ grew…and grew… The “thank you” story I’ll be posting sooner than later will be complete, just…yeah, really long, but at least it won’t drag on. But yeah, I can’t stand WIPs where I’m left hanging for months wondering what the next chapter will bring (bad me, bad…), so I’m trying not to do that to my readers (allergies/life depending, that is). Good luck!!

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  56. I get it!
    I realised my muse is fickle, that combined with my fun brain, and my chaotic life, I decided to write one-shots that MIGHT be extended. I have an unfinished multi on FF.net, but when I started WP, I knew I was only going to post stories that I had finished.
    Don’t get me wrong, before things got crazy, I loved reading WIPs 🙂 And it sucks that I don’t have the time to do it anymore 😦

    I know I’ll have fun coming back and reading all your stories when you get them finished… Maybe I’ll go back and read an odd WIP when I have a smidge more time 🙂

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  57. gwynwyvar: Darn real life for getting in the way of fun…it’s like a conspiracy… Good luck, hon, and I hope things ease up enough to give you some truly free time!

    Liked by 1 person

Ahh, you found me. Meridian and I don't know why they stuck me all the way down here, but do you see that "Comment" box below me? Yeah, that one... Use it!

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