Thinking Thoughts

This post is brought to you by something I wrote in a great (weird, as per usual) conversation between myself and the eminently worthwhile Charity6201: But of all the thinks my thoughts have thunk, none have thunk such thinky thoughts as the thinks that thought they’d thunk…

•~•0•~•

My uncle passed away the other night and his funeral was today. I was told he most likely passed in his sleep, and I hope so as I can think of no greater blessing…though suddenly finding a spare million or two of those pretty green dollars wouldn’t be far behind.

That faction of my family lives hours away now, and when I was a kid, too, so I wasn’t raised close, figuratively or literally, to most of them. In every family you have those who you’re just naturally bond with, though.

I was close to this uncle. He was a weird one, no doubt about it, and the man had an opinion on anything where an opinion could be had…but he had a good heart, a good soul, and an odd sense of humor. Ya gotta love an odd sense of humor…

He left most of a leg and part of his heart in Viet Nam, but spread his generosity and odd joie de vivre wherever he could. He wasn’t supposed to die yet – he was supposed to hang out another 20 years slowly rolling along on this mudball speeding through space, but I don’t guess he got that memo.

The funeral passed without me. I’m not one to need to see the empty body of a loved one being lowered into the dirt, and I’d vastly prefer to remember what he looked like when he still resided IN that body, so the visitation got a nope, too. My mom’s funeral will be the last one I attend until my dad’s time comes.

I’ll remember his voice, the way he smelled, his laugh, his tears when his oldest son died unexpectedly. I’ll remember his rude jokes and his packrat tendencies and how much it pleased him to invite people over for dinner or out for lunch on his dime.

He always had a way of making people feel genuinely welcome in his life, and that is a true gift so many lack.  He knew the value of passing the time together, of sharing a big meal and a big laugh.  He knew how to be “there” when it counted, how to sit together quietly as well as how to bullshit over a coffee.

Why would I want to see the body he used to live in lowered into the cold, cold ground when I have all these great memories warming my heart?

I can’t blame him for going on home although I might have a little something to say about it the next time I see him, but I’m glad he’s hanging out now with his father and his son, and with his mother lost so long ago.

He’s golden, my uncle, and he’s hale and hearty and whole.

Future chapters may be delayed a little bit as I process all of this. Loved ones just aren’t supposed to die, but they have, they do, and they will. Love them well while you share a realm with them.  Once they’re gone it’s likely to be a damn long time till you see them again.

~Mer

24 thoughts on “Thinking Thoughts

  1. Pingback: Thinking Thoughts | Addicted to Godric…& Eric…& Andre

  2. That was a very nice tribute to your uncle. Those memories are what you carry in your heart and the most important memento you can have of him. He sounds like someone I would have loved to meet. My thoughts are with you and let me know if you ever need anything. Love ya! ❤

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  3. Well said.
    I suck at sympathy so I’ll continue on with you knowing…
    My mom thought as you do. She would go to the funeral home, or wherever, she would visit with people she rarely got to see, she would watch wee ones while the not so wee’s went in to pay their respects. She would NOT take a single, solitary step into the room where the casket and body were.
    Mom died at 69 and I can’t remember her ever ‘visiting’ the dead; she always visited the living with an infectious smile and a ready laugh and maybe a tear or two, but she was always just ‘there’. We knew we could count on her for pretty much anything should we need her except that. That is the one thing she would never do.
    So, you do what you need to do and to heck with what the neigh sayers say. We’re all different and unique with different wants and needs. You don’t ‘need’ to see a shell of a person in order to remember who and what they were to you.
    Hugs.

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  4. Mer, he sounds like a wonderful uncle. I feel that there are no proper words to say to someone when they lose a loved one . Because I have been there too and sometimes words seems to be just words and never hit home for what you are feeling. Your tribute was beautiful. Sending love to you.

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  5. A very beautiful tribute to your uncle. Take all the time you need because there is no time limit to get over a loved one. Just know that I am here for you. ❤

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  6. mommy4thomas2002: Thanks, hon, and you’re right – I’d far rather have the ones I have than form a cold, hard new one. And y’all would have gotten along SO well!!

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  7. mindyb781: Thanks, hon. And you’re right – it’s pretty much impossible to know what to say in that kind of situation, but what counts is the trying. Death sucks for the living.

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  8. I’m sure while you’re thinking these thoughts of your uncle it will seem like he is right there in the room with you. That’s because he is, spirit divested of flesh. Which is ok, because it’s the spirit that we love (and miss) the most.

    Sending comfort and strength your way…

    xo,
    Joyce

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  9. Joyce: Exactly! He’s free now to flow and see and do and be, the limitations of his fragile “earthly encasement” no longer hindering his spirit. I’m far more at peace with it now, grief being for the living having to live without far more than for the dead, but that shock – no matter how “expected” – still bit hard. Thanks, sweetie. I love your profile pic, btw. ❤

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Ahh, you found me. I don't know why they stuck me ALL THEY WAY DOWN HERE, but do you see that "Comment" box? Yeah, that one... Use it!

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