List Be Damn’d

List? Nah, You’ll Know in the Blink of an Eye

The other day I was reading someone else’s list of what they’d like to find in a mate of sorts.  I remember creating my own such “list” a while back, and, oh dear, this “got me thinking”.  (This is where my friends know to run far in the direction of away…)

Lol, I was so incredibly naive thinking I could write out a list and somehow, mysteriously, the perfect guy would come waltzing along magically possessing all the myriad of qualities I decided, after strongly pondering the subject for a whole hour or so, that he absolutely must, um, posses.  

Yeah.  Sounded good at the time, ya know?

Then I grew up.  

Granted, there ARE some qualities that the “one-for-you” SHOULD have.  I’m thinking things like honesty, a great sense of fun, tolerance, patience, intelligence, humor, faithfulness, generosity, loyalty, optimism, the ability and the desire to have joy in life, gentleness when possible and strength when needed, “trustability” and the ability to trust…and so on…are absolutely necessary to any sort of relationship progressing anywhere past the “friends” stage.  Hell, even my FRIENDS must have the greatest portion of these qualities. 

Yeah, I’m picky like that.  They must also be ever so muchly mischievous…  😉

I certainly don’t expect, or even WANT, perfection (how incredibly annoying would THAT be!?), but these qualities are absolutely necessary.  Why would I WANT to be with someone who isn’t honest, someone who’s domineering or is always a “stick in the mud” or is unnecessarily harsh? 

Who’d want that?  World-weary jaded cynical ax-murdering arsonists need not apply either…lol.

Notice I didn’t list things like height or weight or hair color or eye color or complexion?  Those things really are irrelevant.  Those things may make a huge difference when it comes to who you might be naturally (SEX!) attracted to, and natural (SEX!) attraction is, indeed, a huge part of any adult romantic relationship.  So, yeah, that stuff counts in one way – and only in one way, but in the end, when y’all are in bed, and the lights are really low, and it’s just the two of you, really, does it matter what color his hair is or how big his belly is? 

Really? 

No.  You know it doesn’t.  

That’s when a great voice comes in handy – pillow talk is very, very highly under-rated.  That’s when you tell your “other half” what your heart was doing during the day, what dreams were coming true or being crushed.  T

hat’s when you let your partner help heal your daily wounds; that’s when you get the chance to help heal theirs. 

That’s when you really, truly reconnect…bond…grow…relax…inspire each other. 

And that kind of thing is absolutely as important as the sex part – if not more so.

But, as usual, I digress.  About that list…  Yeah, you definitely need to know what you’re willing to stand strong on, and what you’re willing to deal with.  The uber-romantic in me strongly requests things like star gazing and tickle-fests and marathon movie-watching/discussion-fests and reading together quietly and discussing our hopes and dreams and all that sort of thing.  T

he practical side of my Taurean self demands that we be compatible in all those “take the time to really tell” Taurus ways, lol.  (Think boring words like “ambition” and “motivation”, and “realism” and “feet on the ground”.)

My heart, though…  My heart knows that I will recognize my “perfect for me” mate in the blink of an eye.  Literally, in the blink of an eye.  Sure, he might be someone I meet for the first time and BOOM–LURVE!  He might be someone I’ve known for years and, suddenly, “see” for the first time. 

Whatevs. 

Knowledge that love has struck will happen in the literal blink of an eye, lists be damned.   

When you look across the room, and your eyes find each other, and you crack up because of something you both find funny…you’ll know when your soul has met its playmate.

What happens then will be as unique as the two of you are.  Your courtship, the sweet little things that you do for each other out of joy and caring, the songs and places and activities that become “yours”, the way you feel when you’re with that person, the way you feel with you’re NOT with that person…they’re all part of something greater than any list could ever be.  

No list could ever capture knowing that you have the joy, the ability, the HONOR, of being able to make that other person just plain feel better.  Hugs, sneaky little kisses, nose-rubs, holding hands, sometimes just being able to let that person look you in the eye and know that you are loved beyond bounds…no list could ever cover that.  And that’s not even going into all the millions of burning, aching facets returned-desire brings up…so to speak.

I hope to find these things, together and at once, in my lifetime.  It hasn’t happened yet, not really, which I guess is why I know just how heart-rendingly/soul-healingly important they are.  When they happen (hey, I’m practicing both patience AND optimism here, dammit!), they’ll happen, and I’ll have a distinct care for any heart placed in my hands, regardless of his political ideals, eye color, favorite Saturday morning cartoon character, favorite movie or song or ice cream flavor or ………..

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