There – I said it “out loud” and like a GROWN UP, even.

I really don’t know why (mainly) fic writers seem determined to be so damn silly about SEX.  Lemons?  Limes?  CITRUS?  Ugh, come on, it’s just…sex.  Next there’ll be grapefruits and oranges and tangerines and clementines, ffs.

Why are we (and not just in the fanfic world) so damn silly and pre-teen’ish about SEX anyway?  Srsly, I wonder.  Why give its existence stupid fruit “code names” instead of just calling what it is?

ASSUMING ALL THIS IS CONSENSUAL:  If he’s sticking his cock in her twat, it’s called sex.  If he’s ramming his cock in her ass, it’s called sex that sounds disgustingly painful…and I hope appropriate prep and lube were used.  If he’s cramming his cock down her throat, it’s called sex that sounds strangulatory…and I’m sincerely hoping he didn’t go ass-to-mouth.  If she’s wearing a strap-on and ramming the penis portion of it in his ass, it’s called “back’at-cha, babe” and, again, I hope prep and lube were used.  If he’s using toys in/on her various orifices, it’s called “do your body parts not work/did they tire out” sex.   If it involves ropes (what, he/she had to tie her/him down to get her/him to hold still long enough to fuck him/her?), feathers (hope no one is allergic to birds), or masks (huh?  if you don’t want them to know what you look like then maybe you shouldn’t be trying to fuck them…) it’s called weird-shit-to-me sex.  If it involves collars, pain, denigration, or orgasm denial, it’s called abusive sex.  If none of these things are happening yet they’re still deriving sexual pleasure together, it’s called foreplay.

NOT ONE OF THESE ACTIVITIES INVOLVES FRUIT OF ANY SORT (unless that maybe falls under the category of “ew, now we’re all sticky and need showers” sex…and probably will need something for the upcoming yeast infections…)

Just call it what the hell it is.

You may agree with me, or you may disagree with me – I really don’t give a fuck and all my opinions are my own, etc. – just don’t call it a “lemon” ffs.   We’re not in a pre-school lunchroom.

2 thoughts on “Sex

  1. OK. When I started reading ff I wondered what the heck the ‘lemony’ ‘citrusy’ comments meant. Then I guessed it was to try and sort around the censoring dufuses on ffn. Although, to be fair, SOME of the stuff clearly did surpassed the maximum ratings regarding content. Which is so freaking strict btw!

    Anyway. Kinda used to it now 🙂 but I’ll try and remember!


  2. gwynwyvar: I never did see the correlation between acidic fruit and SEX, lmao! (And the rabid nuns at ff need to get a life, an “age verification” system, and an MA rating back…but that would make too much sense, lol.


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