EN: ATS, Chapter 1

**A/N: When I say something is AU, it’s…AU.  The obligatory disclaimer is found in my profile as well as instructions regarding the lifting and using of my ideas.**

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Eric Northman uttered his final line for that now craptastic show, True Blood, and exited the staging area early that morning. Naturally his final lines weren’t in any way climactic or portentous, or even memorable – it was just a re-shoot of some boring mid-season crap that some butthurt producer had decided “didn’t work” and it had to be re-shot.

But, finally, he was free from all the fucktards suspiciously determined to keep him from doing what the fans actually wanted. The fans wanted him with Sookie. Hell, the fans had wanted him with Sookie from back when he was still wearing that itchy wig and had to sit around glaring at people from that stupid “throne”! But noooo, he groused to himself as he stomped off to a trailer to get cleaned up. Fake blood was fucking nasty; he much preferred the real thing. Nooo, the self-important powers that be lived much too far up that twit and Compton’s combined asses to give a shit about what the fans actually wanted.

The rumor on set was that that when She Who Won’t Be Named (on Pain of Acid Indigestion and Bursts of Rage) had started the contract negotiations to allow The Network That Sucks to use her books to produce True Blood, she had acted like a greedy, demented brat. She had demanded, insisted, and thrown toddler-esque tantrums until the stuffed shirts added a clause forbidding any sort of Happily Ever After between Eric Northman and Sookie Stackhouse.

In reality, Viking-vampire Eric Northman couldn’t really care less about the Stackhouse girl. He knew that wasn’t her name in real life but her personality so matched the character she played that the name just…stuck. She was, indeed, quite beautiful and she did smell delicious, but off-set she was lodged so far up Bill Fucking Compton’s ass it was like they were married or something.  Oh, wait, they were.  Eric shivered violently at the thoughts of marriage and Compton. The un-life was far too damn long to spend with one person. At least political affiliations were for a definite term, although he never could figure out where the author-twit had gotten the idea that political “marriages” would last for a hundred years or more since they generally maxed out at fifty and weren’t ever considered a true marriage.

And…Compton, as he preferred to refer to the man. Even the memory of Compton’s cabbage-and-onion stench lingered. He truly did not understand how Sookie could stand to be around him so much. Did the man not ever hear of fruit? A shower would probably help, too.  He shook his head. Sookie really should…anyway…

After cleaning up, he checked his phone before leaving the trailer. The real Pam, his actual Child who was shorter, blonder and even sassier than the amazing actress portrayed her on the show, had landed and was en route to his property in Barbados for a very well-earned vacation and some “alone time”. Cue fucking and feeding on the locals, he mentally laughed.

When he reached his home on the outskirts of town, he parked in the underground garage and descended into his subterranean abode. The house above was a beautifully decorated, professionally tended showpiece; his actual home lay well hidden beneath the surface.

He changed into his more preferred attire of black silk lounge pants and robe, then padded on big bare feet over to the small kitchen to heat up a couple of blood bags. Tired of the world in general and humans in particular, he really didn’t feel like going hunting.  In truth, as thrilled as he was to finally be free of contractual restraints, he should consider visiting one of the various vampire establishments hidden in plain sight in the area, but was loathe to mingle with any more breathers at the moment.

Now that his odious contractual obligations to The Network That Sucks were finally fulfilled, he could get on with his un-life. When he was first approached, the show had sounded like a good idea. The powers that be, and indeed everyone connected in any way with the show, would be glamoured to never realize that he was, in fact, vampire. Since his character was vampire as well, naturally all his scenes would be filmed at night, although that necessity was also glamoured into everyone responsible for scheduling just in case some bright-ass decided to film a night scene indoors during the day.

All of his day-time appearances, publicity and otherwise, were automatically handled by his extremely handsome and talented look-alike actor who was one of the precious few humans allowed to know the truth of the incredibly complicated situation. The man looked so much like himself – the resemblance was eerie – that he was most likely a descendant, and the two got along incredibly well. The man had a very busy acting schedule of his own, so it was easy to ensure that they were never seen in the same vicinity as the other.

It had been decided that if they could use the show to get humans accustomed to the idea of vampires actually existing, then their planned reveal would hopefully proceed even more smoothly than they anticipated. It was thought to be an excellent way of judging how well they might be accepted. There was no point in revealing their existence yet if humans were still so hidebound that they would form stake squads and hate groups. Readers’ and viewers’ almost unanimous hatred and disdain for the fictional Fellowship of the Sun was very heartening.

Humans had somewhat surprised the vampire population, at least in terms of their acceptance for the unrealistically campy subject matter of the show. Most didn’t appear at all concerned, and in fact many actually seemed excited by the theory of vampires existing in reality. The show had spawned a plethora of mostly trite novels dedicated to vampire/human relationships and adventures, and there were entire categories of “fanfiction” dedicated solely to the book and the show, or, more rarely, both. Oddly, many of these “fics” were written by amateur writers whose works were by far better than most of the crap published by so-called professionals.

He snorted. The very idea of a vampire actually wanting a human for anything more than a feed and fuck was insultingly laughable. It wasn’t that vampires felt they were better than humans, although some did consider themselves one step away from being gods; it was that humans were just too…disposable. They simply didn’t last long enough to be worth the bother of getting to know them, and as far as trying to form a relationship with one of them? Why? Along about the time a vampire decided that he or she really might want to spend some time getting to know one of them, the human had either started aging badly, started demanding to be Turned, or just ran off wanting to have babies or something.

He shook his head, then strode into his office. He had plans to make now that his time was his own again.

What the network drones didn’t know was that many parts of both the books and the show were, more or less, correct. Before She Who Won’t Be Named became unfortunately and suspiciously immune to glamour, several vampires chosen for their knowledge, tact, and demeanor had been tasked with feeding the foul-breathed twit just enough information to help ease the humans into believing they actually had a clue about the inner workings of the vampire world.

Of course, the information provided was barely the tip of the proverbial iceberg, but it was believed that the knowledge would help engender complacency in the mortals. Eric, however, remained undecided about that ideology.

During his well over 1,000 years of existence, he had come to realize that only the sharper, more intelligent mortals would find comfort in additional knowledge. Sadly, when provided with more information about a subject they disliked, the common lot only tended to grow even more fearful and belligerent. Unfortunately, more humans seemed determined to be hateful, useless mouth-breathers than open-minded, progressive thinkers. Just look at the state of the planet and most economies for proof. But, however they chose to take it, while vastly incomplete and remarkably vague, the information given to them via the books and the show was real.

Although they were not represented in reality on the show, Weres of all kinds, shifters, and fairies of different classes did exist. Demons of many levels, witches, telepaths and many other creatures did exist. Maenads and whatever the fuck Lilith was supposed to have been, however, did not.

Eric was also concerned about the fact that the twit had become immune to being glamoured by the World Vampire League’s hand-chosen few in the first place. While some humans with Supe blood in their background were resistant to glamour, and a very few others were actually impervious, to his knowledge that woman was nothing more than simple human compost. He was just glad that the team was able to cram what they had into her odd little brain while they had the chance.

Initially she and her books were seen as a godsend. The long-established “vampire grapevine” was as enthusiastically active as ever, so it hadn’t taken long for news of her proposed series to come to the notice of the American branch of the World Vampire League, the AVL, who then took serious notice of her ideas and creativity. Very soon afterward, the division of the WVL responsible for monitoring human writers initiated a very quick but thorough review of the woman’s notes and everything else she had concerning that series (Eric recalled a rumor stating that the woman was frightfully disorganized, and snickered), and they had almost instantly decided to use her to further their reveal agenda. The glamouring had begun immediately after that.

He sighed. And she had started off so well, too. She had presented great ideas and her writing style was surprisingly captivating, well, captivating if one were into fast-paced campy fiction laced with brief descriptions of smut.

Then, something happened. How and why did she change…and who was responsible? It was as if she herself had crawled up into Bill Fucking Compton’s rectum. It was strange how she had devolved so quickly and completely.

Eric suddenly wondered what had become of the glamoured assistants assigned to “help” with her writing, then shrugged and returned to the kitchen to heat another donor bag. At this precise moment, they, along with the fucktarded assholes over the loathed network and Sookie’s strange attraction to Compton, were none of his concern.

He was more intrigued by who had caused the change in the formerly capable author.

As with any kind of major life-style upheaval, there were several factions dead-set against the exposing of their existence, which was only to be expected. A few of the oldest amongst them were not only resistant to change, they were resistant to any sort of growth. While he could understand the eldest not wanting to change the habits born from millennia of barely changing when they were forced to, what truly bothered him was the surprising number of younger vampires who eschewed the reveal. Those vampires, he thought, should have favored it the most as many of them would still have living relatives.

Ah, well, he exhaled gustily, some vampires were simple-minded jackasses and should have been swallowed by their mothers before they could have been born, much less Turned.

He returned to his desk and began pouring over that night’s reports of his various business concerns. An hour or so later, he suddenly snickered as a thought occurred to him.

Yes, She Who Should Not Be Named had, indeed, been told under glamour of the AVL, but the stupid slag had never once even begun to think for herself. If she had, then surely she would have realized that America wasn’t the only country with a strong vampire authority. Yes, monarchies quite happily and capably existed in countries world-wide, but there was also an all-encompassing organization overseeing all aspects of vampire safety.

However, instead of using what brain matter she possessed, she had preferred dreaming up ruses for Rapist-slash-Martyr Bill to re-ingratiate himself into Sookie’s life. He rolled his eyes. And what the hell was up with that were-tiger? Preston? And Ben… Warlow… Barlow? He still wondered what the fairy cemetery semi-bondage fuck-fest was supposed to have accomplished.

And that whole “lying out in the sun in the snow” bit? Yeah, right. Vampires might not suffer from temperature extremes as much as humans would, but cold was still…cold. Fucking idiots. Like he, Eric the North Man, would ever be so stupid as to toss away a thousand years of his Maker’s teachings just to…lie out in the sun.

Yes, he had serious doubts about the sanity of the twit and all of those mentally deficient stuffed shirts. Put all of them in a room together and it’d create a black hole of brain void.

Now finished with his work, he leaned back in his desk chair and contemplated his future. Although the position of Area Sheriff was, in fact, a real job, he was glad it was no longer his job. He had quite happily transferred the position over to someone else when he agreed to take on the role of Eric Northman, actor.

With a grin, he dialed the number of the only other Supe to appear on the show.  For several reasons knowledge of his existence had been kept from the author so she wouldn’t write of him in her series. Although everyone knew it was coming, an actual year for the reveal had not then been decided, and the male’s appearance was so distinct it was better to not risk his exposure. However, the deranged twit had managed to create, somehow, a vile character whose appearance was… remarkably similar. That suspicious coincidence still needed to be investigated since it was widely known that no one else wished to be so heavily discussed in the novels.

But, the main reason he wasn’t in the books was because he just didn’t want to be. At his advanced age he was considered an elder, and with the power he had acquired both from his age and his person, not many dared cross him.

By the time the show came about, however, his mood had changed sufficiently that he decided it might be fun. Despite hearing how much Eric detested everything about it, he still wanted to try it for himself. Unfortunately, three nights spent on the set more than changed his mind. Eric still teased him for not taking his own complaints more seriously.

With a laugh as he remembered hearing his own complaints echoed and the unusually colorful language that had been used to describe the idiots at the network, Eric held the phone to his ear.

“Godric.”

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**A/N: Ok, y’all: Is this worth continuing? Is this something you’d want to read? If so, what issues would you like to see addressed? No promises, of course, since what happens is entirely up to my fickle muse who is currently NOT speaking to me, but I would like to hear what you have to say about it.**

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a generic Next

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73 thoughts on “EN: ATS, Chapter 1

  1. Pingback: Introducing a New Story… | Addicted to Godric…& Eric…& Andre

  2. Can you please get Sookie away from Bill? No offence to Anna and Stephen, but this is, after all AU! So why not! Sookeh…pleassse 😝

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  3. I’d be curious to see what Eric’s up to, and Godric…and that’s a really clever twist to his story! Nice job!

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  4. lcrafts: I *could* be mean and say, “You’ll just have to wait and see,” but…no, I won’t be that mean (today). So: at some point………….. 😉 Yes, this will be an Eric/Sookie story! 😀

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  5. Thank god!!! I was wondering who you would have as his interest. And Godric being his real maker!! Perfect!!! Loving it and loving the mental commentary!!!

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  6. This is so freakin’ cool I don’t even have words! There are so many ways you could go with this…all of them very fun IMO. I can’t wait to read more! 🙂

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  7. Kittyinaz: Lol, yeah, definitely E/S just…not at first. But at least there’s no “vampire Bill” to have to deal with! 😀 I had just too much fun with Eric’s inner snark… Thanks for reading! 😀

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  8. Very AU indeed with a (big) touch of meta… Awww NTS… the Network That Sucks is priceless… Can’t wait for Godric’s ‘wisdom’ since Eric mode seems ranty…. Love all the jabs at the writer that… Wherever this goes, I am on this train!

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  9. redjane12: LOL! I could just imagine how frustrated Eric was with the gratuitous fuckwittery from both the books and the show, and could so easily imagine his rants! I’m hoping that after he exorcises his left-over demons that this becomes a real story, lol. Thanks for reading! 😀

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  10. I really liked this. Loved all the little (and not so little) dogs in there, and the comments about fanfiction writers. I hope you continue this as I’d love to see where you’re going to go with it 🙂

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  11. That itself is a mystery worth investigating! And, of course, I am referring to the change in style and direction in the work of a certain writer on the series. Good idea!

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  12. Oh, this is priceless! Reminds me a little of a conversation I had recently… 🙂 I would love it if you continued this. I’ll give your muse chocolate!

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  13. there are some secrets that should be unearthed by the immortal warriors, they will gallantly save all the supernaturals and give the pathetic mortals a second chance.

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  14. Oh my god! I love it darlin! 🙂 I always love when you channel Eric. Kick that bitch in the ass and tell your muse to give you some juice!

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  15. Kelpie: 😀 THANK YOU!! I’m always afraid I’m make him sound weird or wrong. Now, lemme go find that dang muse…she’s gotta be here SOMEWHERE….maybe she’s hiding in the fridge again… ♥

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  16. That was amazing it was really like listening to Eric thinking, please continue it I would love to hear him stick it to that bitch of an author, and no matter how many times I read it I never tire of Bill meeting the true death. Love your work

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  17. shandiii: 😀 Thank you! I started to have Bill be a vampire in this story just so I could kill him off, but…ew. I’d rather just not have to deal w/ him at all! 😀 Thank you for reading!

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  18. OMG…you must continue! You can’t leave us hanging with the last word being ‘Godric”. I love the concept and the originality. Please continue, pretty please. 😉

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  19. I’m curious why the conspiracy theorists’ haven’t come up with a cadre of writers actually writing under the name Charlaine Harris. One of the writers blackmailed the others thus producing the weird output. 🙂 I do like your Eric’s ruminations. Plus. Plus there is a Godric :). You must continue. There is a Godric.

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  20. ules3677: LMAO!! There’s no way I could write an Eric story WITHOUT a Godric! 😀

    I’ve been conviced that CH hired a group of drunk, semi-psychotic ghost writers who had never read her series, just some notes that she’d scrawled out for them.

    Yes, Virginia, there IS a…GODRIC! 😀

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  21. meridiean. They weren’t drunk, semi-psychotic ghost writers, they just out of writing school. She got a bargain in the 6 newbie writers for the price of 1 seasoned writer. Its the only way her later books make sense. 🙂

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  22. jules3677: …who were drunk, semi-psychotic ghost writers… *snort* I really don’t know what happened after those first 8 books – I’ll always love them b/c they introduced me to Eric, but the rest? Tinder.

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  23. Love the twist and glad to read above that this’ll still be an Eric/Sookie story. Also good to hear Godric is in the mix. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez continue 🙂

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  24. ericluver: Thank you! I can’t wait to get back to it – the possibilities are endless and I can’t wait to go ‘sploring! 😀

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  25. I enjoyed this first chapter so, so much! I love Eric’s commentary and the way he thinks! This is one of the best written Erics I have seen in a long time!!! My only complaint about this is there wasn’t a ‘next’ button for another chapter!! I want to see Godric!! More Eric musings, please! I can not express just how much I love this. Great beginning to what could be an epic story!!

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  26. mommy4thomas2002: Thank you for an awesome review! Also: whew! I’m always wondering if the way Eric sounds to me will work as well on virtual paper… 😀 Godric is making an appearance in the next chapter, which I’m working on now! 😀

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  27. This is very entertaining, and i like that you hve Godric as his maker in this, as is with the television show itself.
    I cannot wait for the next chapter……. but i will.

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  28. fordmustanggt1969: Thanks! I plan on posting the next chapter tonight after TB’s probable crapfest… (And ‘stangs rock so hard – mom had a restored ’65 – gorgeous machine!)

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  29. Personally, I think CH became jealous of all the Sooric fanfic writers telling their love story better than her, so she stuck it to ’em.

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  30. This is wonderful, love the idea and your explanation for what happened with She who shall not be named is a clever theory, And your comment about the fan fiction writers who have created stories about this world, and specifically Eric and Sookie is dead on. So many talented people who love these characters and know how to write them well. I’m looking forward to the next chapter here.

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  31. valady1: Thank you!! I have read some seriously amazing stories by some seriously amazing fic writers – writers who left The Twit behind back in third grade… Thanks for reading! 😀

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  32. It was fun reading this again! You’re so creative! I can’t wait to see what you post after tonight’s cheesy schledpisode. In all the time I’ve been writing book reviews, I’ve never seen an author whose style and prose changed as dramatically as you know… Minions wrote those and she threw a dash of her white trash humor afterward. Don’t even get me started on Executive Producers, et al. Writers for the show? There’s your third graders. The FF writers? There is a plethora of talent in this universe! It’s amazing to me that there are so many of you and why the hell are you not writing your own material yet?

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  33. Just read an article on fb that ANNA and Stephen had an argument about her getting drunk at the opening party and they made mention that it could be that Alexander wan’t there not sure how true that is but was still funny to read. Hope you figure out why everyone is so far up Bills ass great first chapter.

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  34. msbuffy: *grin* Thanks!! I went ahead and posted Ch 2 for tonight’s episode so the brain mint will be handy for whenever it’s needed, lol.

    I’d love to, but I’m not even sure how to go about finding good representation, and I know I’d suck at hawking my own wares… I have thought about it, and do have an OF in mind…

    HEY, PUBLIC – ANY BUYERS???

    *heh, couldn’t hurt, right? 😀

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  35. No it couldn’t! LOL! One of things you can do is join a writers workshop. It’s a great way to make connections & work on your craft. You can publish through Amazon as well. I know a few FF writers have done so. We all do that same thing trying to get over that bump that is the Insecurity Demon, don’t we? You have to take that first step or you’ll never know! I would love to read to some your OF, and I bet the public would be interested as well.

    Just getting into a fictional character’s head the way you do is so fantastic. You make Eric sound…just like Eric! LOL!

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  36. Since you (with a nudge by Eric) decided to continue, figured I’d give it a read.
    Thankyou. Brilliant as always.
    Look forward to more 🙂
    Onto the next chapter!

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  37. msbuffy: THANK YOU!!! I’ve always had a secret fear that I’d make him sound TOO something – snarky, human, “soft”, etc, but I can only write him as I ‘hear’ him…

    I do need to sit my hiney down and just get the main OF that I have in mind written out on virtual paper. I mean, ya never know when a stray publisher might happen to call needing a good story… (snort). Srsly, can’t hurt to get started at any rate. 😀

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  38. Yep, or you find yourself at my age without your muse & wishing you had done it when you were younger, ya know when your “little grey cells” were still intact! Just do it, if for nothing else but entertainment purposes. LOL!

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  39. msbuffy: I’m embarrassed to admit it, but half my writing is simply “logical plot progression” rather than blessings from the muse (she’s a flighty little snot…). My real problem? Keeping control of my time – it keep getting away from me. 😦 (*My inner Poirot says, “Bonjour!”!!*)

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  40. So what? That’s where the writer workshops come handy. Anyone who writes knows of the fickle, snotty muse and understands! I’ve been helping one of my dearest friends work on his novel/screenplay for damn near 20 years! In between both of us working full time at the same and other places, me raising three ingrates, going back to school, remarrying, surgeries for both, and finally both of us being retired, we’re now at a place to really concentrate on things! He’s written some other amazing books & short stories over the years as well, and started his first workshop about 2 years ago. Everything about his writing has vastly improved (other than grammar & spelling!). Most of all, his confidence & self-conflict as a writer has resolved. Getting critiqued by peers and those in the “know” has aided overall. Who’s got control of their time? LOL! There’s only 24 hours in a day no matter what you do! If you ever find a way to control them, please, please let me know your secret! We’ll sell it & there will too many $$$ to spend in 10 lifetimes! 🙂 Au revoir!

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  41. Alright so thus begins my reread of EN:ATS!! I had almost forgot how wonderfully snarky you have my favorite Viking!!! I love that “Bill” smells of cabbage!!! Hope nobody is standing downwind of him!!! LOL!! On to the next chapter and Godric!!!!

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  42. I’ve often wondered if She Who Shall Not be Named had a stroke or a head injury or some kind of dementia or maybe just diabetic sugar coma because you’re right about her style changing abruptly. I agree with the ‘campy’ comment as well – I find her work very pulp-fictionesque (and totally not in a cool way like the film – definitely said with derogatory intent). Love Eric’s snark! I think he deserves an outlet after all the shit True Suck put him through.

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  43. ladytarara: I’ve speculated quite vocally in many places about the likelihood of her either having suffered a stroke, or of her “affections” being rebuffed by Alex…

    Liked by 1 person

Ahh, you found me. Meridian and I don't know why they stuck me all the way down here, but do you see that "Comment" box below me? Yeah, that one... Use it!

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