Titles Still Go Here, Right?

Dear Readers-Mine,

To my shocked amazement, I’ve recently received several comments from my beautiful readers enquiring as to my continued existence.

Y’all make my heart sing because I truly thought I’d been, well, not exactly forgotten – more like allowed to just fade away into the beloved ether.

I haven’t been posting anything because it would mainly be whining, complaining, bitching, moaning, and other words ending in -ing that denote general and specific problems with the Universe and y’all just do not need to be brought down by my problems – y’all probably have enough of your own without me adding to it.

But eeenyway…

Ok, fwiw, I still exist.  I’m not the same person I used to be and, honestly, none of us are.  We can’t survive in a global pandemic with all its accompanying mental, financial, physical, and emotional trials and tribulations and NOT be changed in some fundamental way.   It will likely take YEARS for all of us affected by this bullshit to “unpack all this damn baggage”.  The death of a beloved, and last, parent during all this simply makes every single thing infinitely worse.

I won’t wax lyrical (again) about how hard the loss of my last parent has been for me. If you still have your parents and care at all for them, hold them close, get their stories and voices and images down in some permanent way, and if you have already lost one or both…then you already know.

Now, let’s discuss current, relevant life matters that are likely understood by far too many of us if you want. 

Tell me your stories.

You need a place to vent, a place to scream out into the Universe?  Here ya go.  Please, feel free to use my comments section to do just that.  It might/might not change a damn thing but it CAN feel “a bit less bad” when you release your dramas, your heartbreaks, your aches and sorrows and trials to the Universe. Hell, use ALL CAPS if you want – it’s YOUR story.

Me?  I’mma do it right here thus giving you wonderful beings a glimpse into my current life.  Skip to the end if whining/horror bores you.

I’m broke.  I desperately need a job (and the job market is so great, right), only, because of my shitty health, such a joyous thing is not easily attainable.  I need medical care but…no insurance because no job.  I need a work-at-home job because my health is not only laughable but also super-vulnerable – I catch the virus, I die.  The end.  The cats and dog starve because I live alone.  Not a good scenario, right? 

The vaccines are a lovely thing and I would get Shot 1 tomorrow if it were possible but, like many others, my county isn’t being given nearly enough vax – TL;DR = it’ll likely be April or, more likely, May before I can even get Shot 1. 

I still haven’t gotten/likely won’t get that second stimulus payment (that supposedly exists) because of weird loopholes, either.  Oh, and for the shit cookie on top, my car hates me and is possessed by an evil entity that interferes with that whole “battery and ignition” thing.

So, my life sucks ass because of money, health, red tape, stupidity, and evil car entities.

And the cats’ litter boxes need changing again.

Wheee!!

However, I am not alone in being handed a shit sandwich followed by a shit cookie.  While some people probably are doing just fine and I am glad for them, there are multitudes of us who aren’t. 

So, let’s commiserate.   There is an odd power in unity even when it’s “just” online.   I might not be able to help y’all financially but I can certainly give you a safe place to vent and hopefully some mental/emotional comfort, too. 

Y’all truly are the best and definitely deserve all good things.   Consider yourselves hugged and mauled by puppies and kittens (and baby dragons and unicorns if you’re into that sort of thing)(lol).

WP sure has changed, man…hope this posts right and that the comments section is actually still enabled!

Weird.

Love y’all!

~Mer

29 thoughts on “Titles Still Go Here, Right?

  1. So happy to see your words. Life has been hard during the pandemic. We are a household of five and 2 of us spent every moment trying to convince the others that this is worse than the flu. In the end all the precautions were for nothing as my elderly mother’s lawyer exposed her. 2 days after her first cough was my first cough, the next day the other three people were also coughing. It’s been hell and I’m on day 10 of the infection and my proudest moment was that I managed to eat a banana and 2 peach slices today. I don’t even know how much weight I’ve lost. Our savior has been my hubby who has managed to take care of all of us while suffering the virus himself. I’ve had some of the stranger symptoms and I’m still not entirely sure this is reality but here’s hoping things look up for all of us.

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  2. I almost feel guilty because nothing terribly bad has happened to me during covid. I had my knee replaced just before covid hit so I was stuck at home anyway. I’ve been re-reading all my favorite fan fictions for months! I hardly noticed the initial lockdown. My friends and I group videoed to keep in contact regularly. My kids and grandkids were fine. My son could still work and although my daughter was confined to her home and area, she wasn’t working anyway. (Stay at home mum)
    My 94 year old dad was well looked after at the home he lives in and was only peeved that I couldn’t visit for the company.
    But I truly feel for anyone that’s had such a hard time and I doubly feel sorry for Americans. Because Trump! 😜
    I can only hope things get better for everyone ❤️

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  3. Mer, your awesome, everyone gets the shit delux but it will get better, I have to believe that because otherwise I’d cry! I’m sorry you in the deepest part of the crap bowl but don’t worry I’m here with you and I brought coffee!!!! And hugs.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  4. I’m glad you still exist! 🙂

    I’m not as bad off as some are because of all this shit, or as we tell my 4 yr old nephew…”The World called in sick!” But I’ll still tell you my sob story. I can’t complain to anyone here at home because I’m the one that is the main caretaker for my kids and my parents. And sometimes bitching about life makes you feel better. My dog listens to me. 🙂

    It took my boys about 3 months to realize that Mom doesn’t have any money. I lost 4 incomes.

    I’m was a school bus monitor/driver trainee and guess who was some of the first people to get laid off. We showed up to work at 5:30am on Friday, March 13th to a HUGE note on the whiteboard in the break room “Appy for unemployment Monday…school closing as of 16th.” No school, no drivers or monitors needed. Training was canceled. Funny thing about unemployment, you had to have worked a “real job” 12 months prior to filing. I didn’t. This was my first “real job” in 20 years. My 3 boys are all on the autism spectrum so I was basically a stay-at-home mom, even after my husband left us cause he couldn’t deal with it. I have had an at-home/online craft business for all these years to help pay the bills but the government doesn’t consider it a real job. The youngest was a Freshman in high school so I decided to venture back out into the real world.

    I finally got pandemic unemployment in July. Got the letter while I was quarantined in bed with Covid.

    I was also doing proofreading for a research company out of India. I had been doing it for about a month. Haven’t heard from my supervisor since April. Hope they are still alive.

    I also sell my crafts at local craft shows. The craft show season was just getting ready to start for all the big shows. The day before the first show I had paid for was supposed to start it was canceled. that was March 20th. Have had 1 show since then and it was at my church in early December.

    I haven’t seen a child support check since April.

    If it wasn’t for my dad’s retirement check I don’t know where we’d be.

    I tell the boys “be happy you have a roof over your head and food in your belly”. I’m glad I had just planted a larger garden than usual. We live on 2 acres so we could go outside and get fresh air and stuff. When the boys complained about not getting to go anywhere or do anything I told them to be thankful that we had land and they weren’t stuck in a 700 sq ft apartment like some people in big cities. They stopped complaining.

    So in my house, I have 2 teenage boys, my 23 yr old moved back home in August (he’s trying to save for grad school), and my parents. My parents are both sick. Mom has several rare disorders and diabetes and asthma. She’s been on steroids for 35 years so she has a compromised immune system. Dad is a heart and kidney patient with diabetes. The boys all have asthma. I have asthma and a reduced immune system. So yea, not a good house for Covid it hit. My dad didn’t leave the house for 5 months. My oldest is considered in an essential job because he makes cabinets for home construction. I did all the shopping and errands for the house.

    From February to June my mom was almost bed-ridden. She had a ‘growth’ in her abdomen. It wasn’t immediately life-threatening, even though if it wasn’t removed it would cause cancer. All the doctors could do was give her pain pills and send her to bed. She was able to finally have surgery the first week that elective surgeries were allowed again. She still isn’t do all that great but is slowly getting better.

    In Early July I ended up with Covid. My sister came to visit and didn’t know she was positive. Luckily I was the only one who got it. I quarantined in my room, only leaving to go to the bathroom and then wiping everything down with Clorox as I left it. The boys had fun throwing me food from the doorway. By day 15 I didn’t care where it was I just wanted to see something besides my 4 walls.

    My brother and sister live 1000 miles away and even when they lived in the next city over they still have never realized how sick mom and are. They don’t think that I do anything to help because I don’t have much money. They don’t have to live with and care for mom and dad. But they do call and complain about their lives.

    There are days when I just want to pack up my truck and drive.

    I’m taking some classes so I can get a better job. I’m trying to find at-home work so I can care for everyone at the same time. When I finish my classes in the next 4 months I have hopes that I will.

    At the beginning of November, I was called back to the bus. They started doing ‘limited in-person instruction’, so I’m up to 8 hours a week now at minimum wage. Except for this week. We had a snow/ice storm and so far I’ve worked 2 hours this week.

    I know it’ll eventually get better.

    We aren’t holding our breath that my son will have a high school graduation this year. Last year the high school did a drive-thru graduation ceremony.

    I just keep smiling. It’s all I can do.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Sad to read this has been so tragically difficult for you. Australia is an island, a rather large island. When the Federal Government closed the borders, they close all borders. Masks mandatory with a financial fine for not wearing one. People who protested this were arrested, if they were violent held until their court hearing for bail. Which due to the lockdown was on skeleton staff unless an emergency was present. So after their time behind bars masks were their new best friend. We sniggered in our homes at them and did drive through COVID-19 testing anytime we had a sniffle, sneeze, sore throat or simply lack of energy. Then wait at home in isolation waiting for the text with our test results.

    At the beginning of the 2020 lockdown with the restrictions on visitors even from nearby family my elderly mother realised she couldn’t care for herself and my father. My father went into the secure ward for dementia sufferers and my mother into the aged care section of the same facility. My father asks her every time she visits why can’t they be together. Hoping that the travel restrictions will lift when the State borders open and I can get medical clearance for my issues to visit them before my father doesn’t recognise me. I write a weekly letter to him and speak nightly with my mother.

    Sadly we’ve all lost family and friends to this virus. Luckily in Australia there is a national health system has been brilliant throughout this pandemic. The State and Federal Governments have put aside their political differences to ensure Australia will get through this. Positivity is necessary and we Australians are that after the devastating bushfires last summer and then COVID-19. Hoping that things get better for you and your family.

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  6. Yo no voy a extenderme ni a echar la culpa al Universo.
    Espero que, a partir de ya, todo te vaya bien y consigas todo lo que deseas. Si pudiera, te enviaría un Cluviel Dor.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. BASHFYL: Oh, honey, I hate to hear that!! All that work and effort…bet you were a bit heartsick, too. Here’s hope all of y’all are on the mend now (I’ve heard that Vit D, zinc, much water/liquids to help nature flush it out of your system, and resting on your tummy with a pillow under your hips to tilt your lungs even more forward – “proning” – are really helpful but do your own research to see what you think). I *think* I had the “lighter” version of it and it was…gastrointestinally atrocious, come-n-go fever/chills, body aches, weird headache, ugh, so much weirdness. So glad you’ve had your hubby on hand to help out. And no, this is not reality…it can’t be…it’s just fantasy b/c reality would never be this mean, right? *sigh*

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  8. ERICLUVER: Oh, luv, I’m honestly thrilled that things HAVE NOT been terrible for you and yours! I’m sure it hasn’t been quite as easy as all that but am truly glad that you guys haven’t been having the horrors raining down on your head. (I’m sure having actual adults in charge of the country helped at least some, though, right?)

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  9. LAURIE N: *eyes light up* Coffee? You brought coffee?? Lol, thank you, hon. Life may be as it is but at least we can commiserate! Coffee makes everything better… Hope your particular shit bowl gets much, much better SOON.

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  10. SHARINA LUKOFNAK: Thank you! I’m glad you still exist, too! “The World called in sick!” – what a perfect way to describe it, too.

    Man, what a shit-show! There you were right then getting back on your “working outside the home” feet then BAM. Ugh. So glad you were eligible for the pandemic unemp. but super-sucks you were in bed with COVID when it got there. (Hope you got your money back for the cancelled craft show and that your proofreading supervisors are doing well. Lucky – I’d love to get into proofreading!)

    I’m so glad you’ve got your dad still to depend on. Dads are great! Also, pardon me but fuck your ex. I mean, I hope he’s still alive but I’m betting you’re going to have to sue for the child support. (If he was mean about the kids then I’m glad he’s gone but it sucks that he couldn’t handle it.)

    It sounds like your house – and srsly, thank God you guys live on a couple acres so fresh air, gardens, and sunshine CAN be a thing! – is in a constant state of happy, worried chaos. I wish your one son could have gotten COVID unemployment rather than having to expose himself by going into work but at least he does still have a job, exposure depending… I totally understand the situation with your parents – I have asthma, diabetes, and weird complications, too. Vit. D and zinc – please look up how much help they can be against COVID. I personally take them but I’d rather people look up information on them before making their own decisions.

    So glad to hear that your mom got her surgery!!! Sucks ass it took so long for it to happen but so glad it finally did. And – ugh – people visiting when positive??? Huge slaps from me, mmmkay? Ugh. Hate you got it but thrilled you’re over the immediacy of it. (Apparently parts/symptoms can linger for a very long time.)

    And fuck anyone who doesn’t acknowledge all you do. Fuck them with hot, dull knives. Until they open their fucking eyes, they think that they can just throw a little money at it and everything will magically be ok or that they can waltz in, SUDDENLY identify the ONE THING that will MAKE IT ALL BETTER and that you must be an awful person for not having noticed THAT ONE THING…ugh. ***MASSIVE slaps all around*** They have no clue just how hard it is taking care of people, especially older people who have older-people problems on top of the health problems they have. It is incredibly frustrating – I’ve been there, I totally get it.

    I love your attitude and your backbone and your willingness to step in and do what’s needed. It sounds like you’re gonna make it, and I am so, so, so glad for you. Hang in there, hon. You’ll get there.

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  11. JULES3677: I am so sorry to hear about how things are going with your parents. I don’t know how things are set up for your dad but maybe see if you could have video chats every other night with him while you have him? That might help strengthen the parts of his mind that are…declining. If he can still read well, maybe consider writing him more often just going on about common, everyday parts of your life and how much you love him, etc. I bet this is awful for your mom, too, but I’m glad she’s being cared for and that you can still be there for her emotionally. Hopefully soon the hoops that you’d have to jump through will be much easier and you can go and physically visit with both of them. (Can they not live together in a secure “family ward” type place? Her constant presence would, I would think, be good for him, but again I’m not up to date on how best to care for and prolong memories for dementia patients.)

    All of that truly sucks (and in more ways than you’ve probably felt like sharing, too – I get it) but you are doing the very best that you can for them and to keep yourself sane throughout the utterly insanity of a fucking pandemic. It literally makes every situation infinitely worse. Plague rats running around bitching about wearing a damn mask don’t help, either.

    I’m personally thrilled that we in America finally have an adult in charge. I expect things will improve for most of us, at least somewhat, just have no idea how long it will take to UN-fuck everything. Fingers crossed it won’t take that long… Our political infrastructure has for eons been infiltrated by greedy big-businesses (especially insurance companies, “”big pharm””, and others who make lots of money off of us NOT having universal healthcare…) who buy their favorite laws/etc via lobbyists who legally bribe politicos. Hopefully this pandemic has shown everyone how badly we need a national healthcare program and things happen to get that going for us.

    Hang in there, hon, and give my best to your mom and dad.

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  12. CARI1973: Muchas gracias – un Cluviel Dor sería tan agradable! Espero que usted y su familia y amigos estén tan seguros y felices como sea posible. ¡Cuídate y sé seguro!
    (Thank you so much – a Cluviel Dor would be so nice! I hope you and your family and friends are as safe and happy as possible. Take care and be safe!)

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  13. So happy to hear from you Mer! I’ve been luckier than a lot of folks since my husband’s job in tech easily transferred to work from home, but here’s the not so lucky parts.

    I lost my Mom in January 2020 after a prolonged, awful fight with cancer. Then in February, I was the sickest I’ve been in my life with an “unspecified” flu that, in hindsight, I suspect was Covid. I felt fine and a hour later I was shaking with chills, gasping for breath, and had a splitting headache. At first I thought I was having a heart attack. Later, there were gastro issues, I was weak as a kitten, and a horrible cough that lasted a month. Of course, this was “before” Covid cases were supposedly here in NC, but my friend/neighbor (who was also terribly sick with a “viral pneumonia”) had recently been meeting with folks from China. So…

    Then I lost my stepmom to Covid in July. It was so fast, she passed before I even knew she was sick. My dad passed years ago, so that’s the last of my parents in one year. Three days later, one of my favorite cousins passed as well. And my only remaining aunt has cancer.

    During all of this, we’ve of course been locked down tighter than a drum, because if what I had in February wasn’t Covid, I’m at high risk with high blood pressure and lung problems.

    Fun times! All that said, I’ve been trying to keep in mind a quote from one of EricizMine’s stories: “Sometimes life hands you a shit sandwich, it doesn’t mean you should go around putting shit on everything”.

    I try to focus on the positives. I’m relatively healthy, my husband is working and healthy, my boys are healthy, we got a puppy right before all this crap happened and he keeps us busy, and I have wonderful fan fiction stories to read when life gets to be too much!

    So, there’s my year. I’m so glad to hear from you and so sorry that you’re having so many issues. I wish there was something I could do. If you ever want to talk, you used to have my email, feel free to use it. 😘

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  14. Oh, so wonderful to hear from you! Not so much wonderful that you are hurting. This has been a year already, and it’s only day 28. Unless me and my hubs and dd have been asymptomatic, we’ve so far avoided falling sick. I fear our vigilance will not hold for much longer though, as I live smack in the middle of Q country, where masking is seen as hating both freedom and Jesus. 😐 My 2020 started sucking on January 23 when my Mom fell ill with a rare autoimmune disease. Hashimoto Encephalopathy. Not only is it super rare, it’s not very well studied, particularly in older women (we all know how the medical industry feels about the ladies, right?!). 5 hospitalizations, even a stint at Duke teaching hospital, but her frontal lobe is still swollen and fucked up. She essentially has a brain injury, that mimics dementia. I was spending one week a month with them, to give respite care to her husband, but had to stop that in mid August because hubs and daughter went back to school, so my ability to quarantine myself became basically impossible. Now, I call and write and send her gifts. It’s hard. She does not understand why I’m not there or why they can’t go anywhere. She has fierce battles with all the systems in her life, as she has forgotten how to do most things, such as email, or use her phone, or her sewing machine, or all the tools in her studio (she’s an artist). The one thing she did not want to be in her old age was like this, and it’s the one thing I cannot give her. Her husband loves her so much, and while he is a stubborn s.o.b., he has never shied from caring for Mom, in all the ways you can care for something in her state of being.
    Mer, I have read your stories over and over and over. When I say fiction has saved my sanity this year, I don’t say that lightly. If there is a way I can be of help to you right now, would you let me know?
    I look forward to the time when we can all weep with joy, instead of just weep.

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  15. SWITBO: 2020 is going to be The Year That Shall Not Be Named and for so, so many reasons, too.

    Weirdly, your “unspecified” flu sounds REMARKABLY like my (untested but I suspect it was a mild case of original COVID) experience. I *still* have sudden-chill/gastro/cough/other issues every now and then (cough seems permanent at this point) and that was in March of 2020. I’m also not certain I believe the “negative” my dad got when tested at the local hospital (NC here, too) in mid-March 2020, either. From what I understand, false negatives were an issue there for a while.

    I’m sorry so many in your family have passed on ahead. It leaves you with the strangest sense of alone-ness and vulnerability, doesn’t it. Sending luck for your aunt, though, in hopes of a miracle.

    It’s really nice to hear that you’re still striving for the positive and that there IS so much positive going on in your life. Also: PUPPY POWER!!

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  16. TERESA ROWELL: Ew. Q country = freedumbing plague rats who give absolutely no shits about who all their reckless/purposeful endangerment kills. You have my sympathies. I find it unlikely – not impossible, just unlikely – that you and your husband are both asymptomatic so do please both of y’all keep being careful. Keep up with the Vit D and the zinc and the “3 masks” – apparently the newest Big Deal strains require it (check the research, though, just to be sure).

    Aww, I hate to hear that about your mom! Srsly, the medical community is So Very ConCerNed about wimmenz’ health, right? Ugh. Is your mom responding to treatments? I just ran a quick search and it sounds like there are options, at least, and possibilities. I really hope one of them works out great for your mom. Maybe once her pathways stop being blocked maybe the synapses can start doing their jobs again and life can be a better place for all of y’all. I truly hate the thought that I’m flinging around false hopes, but there do seem to be various ways of treating this. I wish you guys the very best of luck.

    As for me…believe it or not, due to pure stubbornness I haven’t given up on my stories although I probably, “common sensically” should. That FLM may have turned feral and joined dust bunny circuses on intergalactic tours, but I remember how I want most of the stories to progress plotwise…it’s just the act of sitting down to write that I can’t seem to make myself do. It’s an emotional hangup, I’m sure – too much stress for too long has a way of interfering with life and all. Bah.

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  17. Thanks Mer! I’m generally a positive person, but this past year has definitely put it to the test. I know what you mean about the cough. I still get incredibly winded climbing stairs since then and the cold air fr the snow we got last night set off a coughing fit when I went out this morning. The puppy is super cute, but not the sharpest tool in the shed. Lol. He is a definite source of amusement though. Take care and hang in there. We will get through this and come out stronger in the end.

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  18. I am so glad to hear from you, I am not glad that you are not doing well. All I can do is hope that you are able to find some stable ground to stand on even if it is small, it will grow.

    One year ago as of today (1/29) was the last time I spoke to my mother on the phone. She was gone 5 days later she was gone. At that moment I had no stable ground to stand on. She was my friend and the human I could go to about anything!
    My husband was a god damn rockstar. Anything we needed todo got done. Take two weeks leave to deal with everything; done. Drive 31 hours to get to my moms house done, clean out a house done. Tell people to back off. Done. My mom was living in a house we bought, but could not sell when we moved so she moved in to keep it up, so we had to come up with the cash to update it enough to sell it we managed it and for the first time in 15 years we are debit free.
    Stable ground.
    Shitty part of it the only way we got it was to lose an amazing person. I can tell you right now that it sucks I am mad I hurt and I want to curl up in a ball somedays.
    Oddly being stuck at home for almost a year and forcing myself to deal with the shit ton of baggage emotional and physical has been a blessing and a curse. I have managed to put and keep 20 lbs. on for the first time ever ( I look like a real girl!) as I have been told. Flip side of that I have had to cut people out of my life that have lost their damn minds this year. Shrinking the amount of people that I could have reached out too.
    The firsts are hard. Halloween (her favorite) Thanksgiving, and Christmas. But I know that she would kick my ass if I fell in to a hole and stayed there. She used to say this thing that I always hated but was more then often right.
    Do you want to bitch about it or fix it?
    I had the choice to do either and she was there for me. So one day at a time I get up, I make something knit or sew, paint or write. Some of the shit that I have made this year has been ugly AF. Some of it has been bought. I help the kids with their school work I cook and clean. I take them out for walks and I talk to strangers on the Internet about my random favorites, I am moving. Maybe not on but forward. And that rockstar human of mine still being rockstar even with being locked in the house with a crazy ass wife and two kids.

    You are an amazing writer. You have skills to touch lives and open hearts. This post proves that. It may not be a lot of stable ground but we are here for you. I bet that you could curry this in to a cash cow. ( Hell if I know how just that I know you could.)
    Wishing you the best of life and to have amazing coffee for the day.
    ~Viviane.

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  19. I appreciate your reply. Sadly with dementia/Alzheimer’s patients their day ends mid afternoon. This is if they aren’t totally suffering therefore don’t know anything outside the world in their mind. By about 2pm my father’s memory has tired of present day. It’s not possible to hold a conversation with him, and he certainly doesn’t know who I am by 6pm. Trying to introduce him to new technology has always been problematic, the PC’s he has used over the years were utilised for solitaire. My brother and his family do visit when lockdown isn’t enacted by the State and Federal Governments and the facility allows. Not 100kms from there an aged care place lost 38 patients from COVID-19, luckily their facility is militant in infection control. To get from one section to another is not a matter of walking through a few doors, staff have to be allocated to accompany each visitor to ensure policy is complied with. Gotta say, all their efforts, zero infections and fatalities from the virus, so their exacting precautions are working for the most vulnerable age demographic.

    With regards to your other suggestion. The secure section of the aged care residential facility has other patients who have been there for longer times. The deterioration and behaviour of these residents can be brutally confronting. My mother is just pleased that they are in the same facility and she can visit. She, too, has medical issues, not just those associated with old age.

    My weekly letters to my father are read by him. Apparently he has a full drawer of my writings going on and on about life, the pandemic, people (he may or may not remember) and politics. My mother says he enjoys them. Phone calls have been frustrating as conversation stalls after general hellos and the phone handed back to my mother. It is what it is, and we have to accept that. This is about my father being properly cared for by professionals who have experience in this type of illness as we don’t have the skills. 😐

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  20. Ok. So I haven’t been on here in years! Forgot my log in I information so I just created a new one. At one point I was isis.mama until ISIS became a thing! Then Mer actually helped me create the pen name theonewriterformerlyknownas. Lol. Now I am jumping back in with both feet because I miss you, Mer. And I miss the close SVM/TB community. I’ve been reading FF all this time…I just do it alone. This last year it seems like I’m always alone. I have COPD now because I started smoking when I was 17 and am now 47. I haven’t been vaccinated either tho i will soon hopefully because i work in higher education. I’ll believe it when I see the needle in front of me.
    I don’t know if you remember me but I wrote Sookie Stackhouse Wannabe.
    I have a lot of time on my hands after work so I want to play with wordpress again. Who knows…maybe I’ll write…

    Liked by 2 people

  21. That last comment was written on my phone. Now that I have my laptop, I can write at length. I am very lucky that I can work from home when necessary. I work at a community college that shut down everything in person from mid-March until August. I still worked from home for another two months because I am high risk for Covid complications. As I said earlier, I have COPD. This past year, I have been terrified of contracting the virus. I live in KY so we weren’t hit nearly as bad as some states. I consume way too much news I think.
    Thankfully, I haven’t lost any loved ones. My parents (mother with COPD and father has only one lung due to histoplasmosis) have both stayed home for the most part. My parents divorced decades ago. When I talk to my dad he is fairly healthy physically and emotionally. However, my mom thinks the government under President Biden has labeled her a terrorist because she is a Trump supporter. I don’t even know what to say to her as I am a progressive. Extremely so. She and I have grown so far apart over the last four years. All she watches is Fox News and she spends her days communicating with others who share her views.
    Anyhoo…
    I’m so sorry for your troubles of the past year, Mer. I get so angry when I think about how things could have been handled differently if we didn’t have such a divided country. I’ve never wanted to leave the US so badly in my life.
    This past year doesn’t seem real. I miss my dad because I haven’t seen him in over a year due to covid. I miss my mom because she’s been brainwashed by Trump and others.
    It seems like people in my community are going on like normal. Lots of traffic and shopping as usual. People are wearing masks, at least. Mostly. I feel like nothing is right anymore. Do you feel that way?

    Liked by 1 person

  22. L_Viviane: I think you’re doing amazingly well for someone with the world suddenly yanked out from under your feet. That’s not to say it didn’t, and doesn’t still, suck all ass, though. I’m glad you had (and still have) a real trooper by your side – I bet that made all the difference. You are getting there, though, and that hella counts.

    I totally get the being pissed off part. My dad was absolutely fine one day and intubated and on a ventilator the next. Less than a month later, he was gone. I’ll never know why this happened to him, why I had to lose him, and I’ll never be able to scream at whatever made this utter bullshit happen. I feel useless, frustrated, depressed, and completely infuriated by it all and I don’t see any of that going away anytime soon, so honey, I totally get it.

    Your mom sounds a lot like my mom – don’t bitch about it if you’re not gonna get off your ass and at least TRY to fix it. Talk is cheap; shut up and do it. (She wasn’t that “blunt” but, well, almost, lol.) We need those older, experienced powerhouses in our life and are kind of lost, kind of “homeless”, without them. We’ll get there but it’s just so much harder to do so without them.

    Losing the willfully and willingly stupid from your life makes space to allow the true thinkers and doers in, but it also sucks, too, because you did have history with those people else they wouldn’t have been in your life in the first place. This pandemic, politics, even just plain stupidity have all cost us so much more than we’ll ever really know.

    Oh – I love that you’re creating!! That’s a huge step! Granted I’m sure it was more “fake it ’til you feel it” in origin, but creation is progress (so in some ways is destruction but that’s theory for another day, lol). And you are “movin” which is hella better than stagnating. Movement can totally be lateral – it doesn’t necessarily have to be forward…just so long as you’re not growing moss, you’re winning.

    Thank you for your kind words! I really do appreciate it. Wish I knew how to turn my words into cash – God knows I need it – but I have no idea how. The problem with fanfic is that the writing is automatically lazy since “the world” is already built so we get out of all that annoying background world-building… Eh, maybe something will fall out of the sky and bounce into my lap (after it’s cooled off from entry, lol).

    Hey, I can dream, right? Good luck, hon. You’ve got it going on; you are going to be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. jules3677: It sounds like you’re doing the very best you can by your parents. I just really hate that the pandemic is making it so impossible to spend time by their sides right now. Very glad to hear that your mom can visit your dad during the times when his memory is still brighter. Also very glad to hear they’re both in a place that not only takes great care of them but that’s also very stringent about protocols right now.

    Lol, I totally get it about the frustrating conversation stalls! That describes the entirety of my dad’s family. It’s literally “hi, hi..so how’s it going/fine, you?/fine…silence…” It’s funny and sad and and and … there’s really not much that can be done about it, unfortunately. Some people are chatters, others just aren’t. If he remembers his younger years well, you could always ask him about incidents, what he liked, etc – **IF** his doctors think that would be a good idea (because it might not be).

    Regarding caretaking skills, you’ve got the most important one – you love them and you have ensured that they know it. Your dad has tangible proof in your letters and any bright, fun, or interesting things you’ve sent him that he can hold in his hands with thoughts of you in heart if not in mind. (My dad worked overseas for most of my life; one time I gave him a blue stuffed animal to keep him company so he wouldn’t miss us…he kept it in his suitcases until he eventually retired and came home.) Your mom cherishes your conversations and the sound of your voice – just like your dad does. I’m sorry this is so rough for you, and for them in their own ways.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Angela Adkins: YOU DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET! I really hope things are going a lot better for you and that you DO get back into writing! (Yes, I do remember that story – I loved it!) Watch out – WP has gotten super-weird about dealing with your text before you post.

    Hate that you have COPD too. It sucks major ass and interferes with EVERYTHING. Annnd same here – if I ever AM approved to get the vax, I still won’t believe it until my arm is nice and sore the next day, ya know? Ugh. Glad you’re staying home as much and as best you can especially now that there are the new, worse, strains floating around. It’s really scary.

    Man, I’m sorry about your poor mom. I’m super-mega-liberal so I get it. I think Fox needs to be shut down and fined through their toe nails for lying, conspiracy, sedition, etc etc etc. That entire camp is so overly brainwashed I wonder if they even know what reality is anymore. I miss the Bush’s version of the Republican party. I wasn’t part of it but at least I could respect them. They had grace and enough common sense that even I could see where they were coming from on some issues. Now? Orange is the new cray.

    I’m to the point that I want unmasked, freedumbing plague rats to be arrested, fined, and incarcerated. They’re flouncing around TRYING to kill people off with their filthy, possibly diseased breath. There’s freedom and then there’s negligent homicide and attempted murder.

    The entire country, and this includes the brainwashed and the willingly and willfully stupid, will take a very long time to recover from what I seriously describe as “Trump PTSD”. All parts of our society were basically held hostage in one form or another (hate, racism, bigotry, brutality, lies, media rampages, conspiracy theories, insurrection, sedition, treason, the list goes on and on) for now going on over 4 years; it will take triple? that amount of time to recover. Hateful people were spoon fed the exact kinds of hates that they love by an agent of chaos and destruction. That shit’s gonna leave scars. Ugh.

    Take care, and get to writing! (And staying IN and SAFE!)

    Like

  25. Thank you for your thoughts. Its difficult. We aren’t the only people who are dealing with situations where we know it will not improve. Remember when young, and the parents would say “as long as you’re happy”. My mother assures me she is happy with the current situation regarding their care and accommodation. Have to believe her and support her in this situation. I love them and they love me. I’ll be happy with that.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. My mom really was a stop bitching kinda person! Powerhouses is a good way to say it. it really was fake it till you make it.

    I wanted to put out an odd idea.
    product descriptions and add scripts. You may have to hunt down advertising agents; but i know a lot of places outsource that kind of stuff. As well as Radio scrips for on air adds. Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Hey Mer – just touching base with you again to se how you’re doing. My WP feed has been scarily quiet – even CaliforniaKat hasn’t posted since December and I’m worried about y’all!

    I hope you’re doing well and have able to get vaccinated. Please drop a line and let us know that you’re still okay.
    -switbo

    Like

  28. Saw this and can’t remember if I replied – my brain is on perma-vacay rn. I think the “pandemic era” has hit all of us pretty hard and in the weirdest ways. ”
    Me? Well, I yet live, fwiw. Broke, sad, tired, emotionally devastated…you know, the usual state of my life. Hope you guys are doing ok!

    Like

  29. Dear Mer,
    I am glad to hear you are alive my friend. I am sorry you are going through a lot. I am sorry about your dad. After the death of a beloved family friend my Uncle Ed.(slightly before covid) I haven’t been able to write. Last year I had cancer in my fallopian tube. I had for close to 12 years and no one saw it. They told me it was ibm. They were able to get it all and no chemo was needed. Then my friend died from complications of past drug use. This year, not even a year after my last surgery I had my appendix taken out. Oh,n the recovery from the first surgery took three months longer to heal because the incision got infected as the dr refused to send me home with antibiotics. When went back to get the staples removed. they did it too early and on the way home, it split open they did not give me anything to cover it. So that same day I had to go to the hospital closer to home and get restapled and a wound vac. I have a big scar now as they had to recut me open two other times to drain it. the Appendix recovery was easier. Then I found my mom’s fiancee Ken who is like my dad has colon cancer. they think they got it all but he needs to get more tests. and he still hasn’t gotten his leave pay for all of it. A couple of months ago I was ready to kill myself with poison in hand. When my friend called my brother when I didn’t answer. My anxiety/ depression medicine was making it worst. I get feeling forgotten. I have not been able to write in a while having suffered multiple deaths around the time of my last post.
    Anyway, that is my rant. I am glad you are alive I have read all your stories to death. I have you and many others on my prayer list. I think of you often.
    Your fan
    Autumnchild26

    Like

Ahh, you found me. No clue why they stuck me ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE, but see that "Comment" box? Have at it!

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