Yeah, that.

Last night at 2 minutes to 2am, his spirit left the body, the shell, he’d used while doing time on planet Earth.

Things are going in “frantic slow-motion” over here now, and it’s fucking hard.  I wanted to keep y’all updated in case you were wondering but…chaos…so I went with another regular post. 

The link to the “backstory” is here (aka: the post before this one):

On Life and the Vile Beauty of False Hope in the Time of Crisis

Thank you for your kind wishes, thoughts, prayers, words of wisdom, offers to talk, and donations.  Every bit of it is appreciated. (And the donations came in especially handy for gas, the “stuff” weird emergency situations require, and food en route to/from for me, so a definite thank-you for that.)

Now I get to muddle through planning my dad’s funeral and burial. 

This sucks.  I don’t want to bury my dad; I just want him to come home.

Rest in peace, daddy, and give’em all a rought time – especially my mom (your wife) and my favorite aunt (your sister) for leaving so damn soon.

I miss you, daddy.


25 thoughts on “HE’S GONE.

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss.  My husband died March 6th – Cancer Sucks.  Then this pandemic.  Stay strong.  Reach out if you need help – I’m a huge fan and i will be here to listen. With Deepest Condolences Tonya Shuff May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door


  2. You’re in my thoughts love. Its hard, but you can do this. Logically you don’t think you can, subconsciously you’ll be taking care of buisness. And when everything is officially done, you’ll fall apart into a million pieces.

    Don’t fight it, just go with it. You may break down but then you can rebuild into something stronger. No one but you can tell you how to, how long or the right way to grieve. You may be nothing but a bawling mess one day, a sad happy remembering the best things another day, completely blank and numb another, and madder than hell at everything in the universe. Its perfectly okay. Listen to yourself, as long as its not breaking the law and not putting yourself or others in physical danger, do it. Thats how we heal

    And always, I’m here if you need anything.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. So sorry for your loss. I’m sure he knew how much you loved him.


  4. I’ll just reiterate everything I said before. You know I’m there for you as much as possible, being in Australia and all. Hugs xx


  5. Sigh….so sorry for your loss, K. Have no regrets about letting him go. You loved him and he knew that. It’ll take time but you’ll soon think fondly of your dad without the pain. You’ll smile more than you’ll cry when you remember the silly, funny, and profound things he did and said. Our best to you. Please use us as a sounding board in the days and weeks ahead. Pat


  6. I’m so, so sorry, Mer. You can do this. You can survive and move on to another day that doesn’t suck as bad as this one does. It sucks so goddamn bad and it feels so completely un-fucking-fair. But you can get through this, even when you’re feeling like you don’t want to. My heart breaks for you, Mer. We’ve not met, we’ve never talked, but my heart is breaking for you. I don’t know what to say to give you peace and comfort– but I’m sitting here wishing I could say something. I’ve been where you are and I care- well, the losing my dad part- and it was awful and I was completely unprepared. So, I’m sending you prayers. And hope. and love.


  7. So sorry to read your father is no longer with you. And, in this extremely trying time you have to plan his funeral. Put all the positive love and adoration you remember from him at the forefront of your mind to get you through this difficult trial. We’ll all be here for you any time you need to talk or vent at the unfairness of it all. ❤️


  8. Unfortunately, there is only a like button… We daughters always seem to believe our daddies are omnipotent. No one will ever love us so unconditionally. Sincerest condolences on your loss. Platitudes suck, but they may come to mean more & bring you comfort in the future. I wish I could tell you it gets easier though, in some ways it will, but know it will take a very long time. I lost my dad to tragic circumstances 28 years ago and, like you, the actions seemed as if in slow motion or as if stumbling through someone’s nightmare while making the arrangements, etc. I miss him still today. I think of him every single day. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, when to feel, or what to feel. You’ll need to feel it all, every one ‘the stages’ and if you have to go through them more than once, then you will. I wish I could offer you words of comfort as others tried for me. I ‘m stuck, but I’ve got two shoulders & you know how to reach me. Yell, cry, fake it, do whatever you need to get through this, then get up the next day & do it again. One day it won’t seem as bleak. I still talk to my dad, it helps sometimes. You’ll be in my thoughts, my dear. Grief is tough enough, but grief and loss in these times must be exceptionally challenging. My heart is breaking for you. Peace be with you now and in the future.


  9. Although we haven’t spoken personally, I always read your stories and your posts. You are an amazing author. When I first saw your post, tears came to my eyes. I even told my husband about it because it made me so sad. These times are unbelievable and then to go through this during it all. There are no words. My thoughts are with you and I hope you have the strength recognize it’s ok to grieve at your own pace. Some days you will get up and soldier on, others, you will lay in bed and cry. Both are normal and ok. I am so very sorry for your loss. Please reach out when and if you need it.


  10. my dad died 12 yrs ago and i still miss him terribly. he will always be in my heart. make sure to remember all the good times. it’s what made me through the pain. at least now, i can genuinely smile every time i think of him.


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