Yup, beware my Muse Whisperings…

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Heh, this time it’s hisviks all tangled in me web.

I should probably be ashamed (yeah, right) considering it’s about Willy Warmers, but as I’m snickering-to-all-out-giggling over the results… yeah, I ain’t ‘shamed.

Anyway, since I couldn’t find the reblog button, I just did another post to share her story (cause I’m all shy and reticent like that).  So, here – read:

Coldfinger

28 thoughts on “Yup, beware my Muse Whisperings…”

  1. Thanks for the special mention I feel all special now even though I don’t believe a word of the shy and reticent claims… I think the reblog button only works on posts not pages, that’s my theory anyway…

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  3. I get an error all the time when I attempt to reblog something, however when it concerns a plagiarist notice it works instantly… go figure… I had to work in the WordPress dashboard in Turkish for a while for no good reason and a bulk of my followers stopped receiving emails with no cause, incidentally this all happened while the WordPress people were away on some fancy retreat sitting around singing cumbaya….

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  4. hisviks: I’ve had to play in the inner recesses of The WP Continuum before and yeah, it gets weird in there…and I don’t even bother with something called “code” – I’m just pushin’ buttons here and there and reloading and “oohing” and “aahing” over this and that…then wondering how’n hell to get back to where I started.

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  5. The strangest thing was that despite not speaking a word of Turkish I managed to get along with it without issue, it was just like normal WordPress… I’m just happy when my posts come out correctly and I managed to get all the links right…. but in the end it still beats ff.net where I always feel I’ve reverted back to 1992 😀

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  6. hisviks: The main (well, only) things I like about ff are that new readers can find you, and that you can chat in PMs – privately – unlike here, but hell, even here you can provide an ASK ME box or a site email for more private convos, so yeah… Heh, the best thing that can be said for ff’s layout is that it’s “simple”…”plain”…

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  7. Very true on the readers, WordPress is a closed circuit in terms of readerships and difficult to navigate the different sites when you’re just getting into it so ff.net remains the motherland for now… unfortunately…

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  9. Me too, I sort gave up at some point thinking they’ll come over to the dark side when they want to, I always think they must be getting annoyed with the constant mentions… creatures of habit I guess.

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  10. hisviks: I figure if they’re wanting THE SEX (and Godric only knows some seem addicted to reading it), they’ll HAVE to come (erm, cum?) over to the dark side for their every-other-other-chapter (more or less, for me at least…sometimes) ration! 😀

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  12. hisviks: Bingo! I’ve been terrible about cutting out what sex scenes I do include in my fics, but I’m leaning toward, “Hey, if you wanna read about the guy putting his peepee up in the the girl’s twat, come on over to my site.”… 😉

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  13. You know I’ve been thoughtfully contemplating into informing people there’s this thing called ‘porn’ and it’s all over the internet and it’s even out there for free whenever someone whines for Eric and Sookie to just do it already…

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  14. hisviks: I love hot sex scenes – I do! They’re awesome and “Awww!” and sweet and adorable and HAWT……when they happen at the natural, organic (gaagh, hate that word), proper, right, and best time/s in a fic.

    I don’t write porn. I may write a one-shot as a continuation of a fic (Godric Wakes, anyone?), but to sit down and think, “Ok, ok, I’m going to debase and demean my characters by writing them getting their smut on with other characters for no discernible reason.”

    No. Sorry porn-seekers, that’s not going to happen.

    Realistic hot sex happening at a realistic time in a hopefully realistic fic? Absofuckinglutely.

    Smut? No. I have no respect for smut writers and I’m sure as hell not going to become one. There MAY be some good smut out there, but I don’t see the use – it’s like the writers are too lazy to bother coming up with a decent plot to provide a home, and point, for the smut to exist. Simply plopping down a couple of bodies out of nowhere and having them sticking parts of themselves into other bodies isn’t sexy, not to me.

    The sex, if/when it does happen, MUST (in my not-very-humble opinion) have a reason to happen, to exist – it must make sense in the natural progression of the romance between the characters to occur. And I love building up the sexual tension (but not to the point that my characters start getting annoyed at me) because said characters have to at least know more about each other than their last names before they start sticking body parts in warm, moist places.

    I vote let the cheap horny bints wait until YOU, the writer, are certain that YOUR characters are in the right place in the story for sex before merging their various parts together.

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  15. Oh I don’t listen to them at all and get flung lovely words like tease my way all the time, taunting your readers with a dangling carrot is much more rewarding than the standard and very rabid ‘mores’… Sex scenes (can we please stop calling them citrus fruits, if you’re reading smut you may as well own up to it) are a quality and not a quantity affair as far as I’m concerned. I often find myself doing a fade to black sort of thing if it doesn’t add anything to the story and would just merely document a sex act. It has to work for those characters in that moment and reveal something about their relationship or give an (emotional) insight that you wouldn’t achieve without that interaction. Sometimes my sex scenes are downright unsexy and I’m totally fine with that. I’ve even written a sex scene where Eric and Sookie don’t even touch and I’ve been told it’s the hottest thing people ever read but it’s what worked for those two in that moment and it had nothing to do with revving up people’s engines as far as I was concerned. When you only write about sex, that’s all you’ll be known for and it’s all that will be asked of you and it can seriously overshadow any other talent you might have as far as I’m concerned. If that means a large readership tunes out with a story of mine I can’t really find it in myself to care. That’s my only objection to relegating the sex scenes as WP only, it gives people the expectation that you’re pulling out the whips and chains which I’m not into and never will put my characters through… well maybe Bill but he and his micro penis will never be sexual… oh and there was that fic that will never be written called Adele Stackhouse’s House of Pain where I intended to inter a certain author and pair of show runners…

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  16. hisviks: Yeah, I don’t understand why sex = a bitter citrus fruit. If it’s that bad, don’t include it! 😀

    And seriously, if the guy has to tie the girl up to get her to fuck him or for him to be able to get off, he might should consider either finding another partner or getting some emotional help – or both.

    And if he’s trying to fuck someone but has to shove a ball gag in their mouth? He might should consider finding someone he WANTS to hear talking…

    Abuse disguised as “love” or “erotica” pisses me off. And don’t get me started on anything “Dom” or other such forms of abuse.

    If I lose readers because I’m not following the smut herd, hey, that’s fine – they’re probably not the sort of readers I’d want in the first place. (They’d die of boredom wandering around in plot-land trying to find the smut, and dead readers don’t leave reviews.)

    Heh, Bill’s great for writing torture, though! 😀

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  17. I’m with you on all the BDSM stuff, I’m generally of the do whatever you like in the privacy of your own bed or whatever surface you decide to attack each other on with mutual consent but I’ve seen the psychological reviews and know the histories of the type of people that are attracted to it.

    To me it’s an extreme form of finding pleasure and if you need that amount of pain to achieve it, giving or receiving, it’s a symptom of a different problem and sex or a distorted form of it isn’t the cure. (It isn’t the cure for much except boredom I suppose). It’s no different from drugs or any other type of debilitating addiction in that regard. Sure there are people who enjoy that with a clear bill of mental health and operate within a very safe zone of it but they’re not the majority and the democratization of it with disguised ‘romance’ fics and now movies is giving it a very thwarted perspective to an impressionable and naive audience of teenagers who are now becoming swept up in the promotion of it to annoy me to no end…. will stop ranting… now… must get back to warm bed and actually sleep…

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  18. Ya’all need help! lol
    I just mentioned the Willie Warmers to the b/f and his FIRST comment…the balls should have their own protection! lmao!

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  22. I can’t tell you two how much I enjoyed “eavesdropping” on that entire conversation. I’ve never understood the “lemon” thing for the sex scenes, so whatever. I never understood exploding ovaries until the other day, thanks to hisviks! I love the “fade to black” scenes; they’re far more erotic than the down & dirty ones. Don’t get me wrong, those have their place too, if they’re done properly. Some writers get so repetitive with their sex scenes that the term “ho-hum” just comes to mind whenever I know there’s one about to begin… I’ve got no problems with the Dom scenes or anything else like that either. Just imagining the two characters in those scenes truly makes me laugh my ass off. I just can’t envision it without really laughing, snorting & all. Too damn funny!

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  23. msbuffy: Eaves-read away!! 😀 I never did get the whole lemon thing, really. I could maybe see using “sweet fruits” b/c the sex is sweet, or “hot peppers” for varying degrees of “heat” (sorry, makes me think of odd rashes…), but LEMONS? Rly?? Ugh.

    Fade-to-black scenes are HELLA sexier than anything bondage, Dom, abusive, ball-gagged, or enduring yet another instance of some asshole Eric demanding that Sookie watch him or making her beg, yet again (yawn) to cum…

    Sadly I’ve found myself skimming, or even skipping, over most sex scenes for the last few years, even from otherwise great writers. There’s just so many ways that body parts can be stuck into other body parts (besides anal which is shitty to me)(pun intended), and after a while it’s all old hat and yawn’ville.

    What matters to me are the emotions involved.

    And I, too, have been known to consider most bondage/Dom scenes completely and entirely laughable!!! I have laughed and snorted SO HARD at the few I’ve bothered to read, lol. Granted I stopped reading those stories immediately thereafter – I mean, really, how can you take an Eric who has to use bondage to get it up and off seriously after reading that tripe? And how can you take an Eric tyring to be Dom whose wee widdle ego is so pathetic that he has to control Sookie’s eyes and orgasms, etc., seriously??? You can’t!!!

    Sadly, I find class a lot more attractive, and I say “sadly” because it’s so hard to find in the fic world.

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  24. Have to agree on so much of this. Someone did explain where the “lemon” came from but I don’t remember now. It still didn’t make much sense to me or I might have remembered…

    I can see in some of the stories how writers might want to mix it up, have Eric & Sookie do some spicy things here or there, be playful and all; he’s been at it for more than 1,000 years, right? Someday I’d love to read a story where Eric just kind of rolls his eyes and says “Can I chase you tomorrow?” So some of the slight kink stuff doesn’t bother me, but other stuff is truly hilarious. Many times though, I will read one or follow it because a part of the story is good, and then I just love getting a great laugh out if it! I’m terrible. At times I find the writer’s style fascinating for whatever reason; perhaps the quality of writing is stunning even though the content may be lacking. This doesn’t necessarily apply to fanfiction. I read, edit, and review so many books, short stories, drafts, and now screenplays that I don’t think I’ve watched any TV other than sports in the last year. OOPS, I watched TB S7. Like you though, it’s the emotion behind all of it for me because that’s what sex is for real. It’s the icing on the cake of any real lasting relationship; not the entire cake. I love the truly intimate scenes between the characters that some of the writers GET more or as much as a well written sexually intimate scene. Somewhere along the way the lines between intimacy & sexual intimacy have become blurred. There’s a distinct difference. The controlling of the orgasms thing? Where the hell did that come from? I’m not even certain that’s at all possible… Well, in fiction perhaps…

    I’m right there with you on skimming through most of them. Redundant, redundant, redundant. How many ways can it be written? With the FF writers for whom I beta, I pretty much leave those scenes alone when I’m editing unless it’s grammar or spelling, or maybe an overused word here or there. It’s not a part of someone’s story I’m too very willing to edit, content-wise. After editing for erotica sites for a couple of years, believe me, you have no idea how boring this stuff gets, and anything went in that world so editing content wasn’t a big deal. Here, someone’s ideas of what these characters are finding passionate could be personal to them. Content-wise, I just don’t feel it’s my place to change that too dramatically. Not speaking specifically for those whom I beta, but just generally some FF writers do these scenes beautifully & I want to go running off to have a cigarette after reading one, or I’m relieved that I’m already smoking! Others not so much, but their stories are still terrific. So many times I’d like to say just skip “the lemon” and allude to it instead. It would make the scene more erotic and/or romantic in that way. Going straight for the raunch doesn’t always work…not that there isn’t a place for the raunchiness at times, but sparingly, depending upon the writer and where they excel.

    Class is ALWAYS attractive! The more, the merrier! One thing I must compliment CH for was the way she wrote the scenes in the books. They were classy, to me anyway. I didn’t feel as if I was a participant or a sportscaster giving the play-by-play, and many of them were of the ‘fade to black” type. Thank God for that because I sure as hell didn’t want to read down & dirty details about Bill because I hated him from “Go.”

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  25. msbuffy: YES!!!

    And I do agree – while I think she could have added, say, 20% more content to her “more intimate” scenes, the way she DID write them really WAS nice – and HELLA classier than most I’ve read to date. She didn’t make me feel like I was a pimply-ass’d 15 year old boy sneaking in on the ‘rents porn collection, and she didn’t make me yawn, either.

    I don’t NEED a step-by-step sex manual, lol, and I really don’t NEED to know every single position a vamp can use to get his li’l rocks off, either.

    The intimacy – emotional then sexual – is what I find desirable in a good sex scene. If the couple doesn’t have that emotional connection, it’s just exercise with body parts squishing together.

    (Me, too! I had heard the proposed origins of the “lemon = sex” myth once a while back then promptly forgot it, lol.)

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  26. LOL! Honestly, I get the feeling sometimes that I’m Al Michaels (NBC Sunday Night Football announcer) giving the play-by-play when reading one of those kinds of chapters (FF or not) as on Sunday or Monday night football. Then while they’re in between sessions, I’m left feeling as if I’m former Steelers head coach Bill Cowher giving the color & analysis of the last round during halftime! LOL! “Step-by-step manual”…snort! Truly, after nearly 40 years, I think I’m pretty familiar with the mechanics and despite what Cosmo may try to tell women, there’s not much new! It’s all in what you & your partner make of it… even it is “just exercise with body parts squishing together.” BWAH!!!

    Sometimes I sort of envision the vampires as Gumby with all the supposed shapes they’re able to manage, but that then just conjures up memories of Gumby’s buddy Pokey, which just brings on fantastically humorous reactions… Truly, it doesn’t take much to amuse the feeble-minded!

    There is a reason I wish everyone not just peace, but laughter when closing emails, letters, or any missives I send. We all need more laughter than anything else. Although I’m still working on developing my sarcasm font… : )

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  27. msbuffy: LMAO!! I just “rose” from a late nap and my not-caffeinated-enough brain is now chanting: BEWARE THE GUMBY VAMPS – THEY’LL GUM YOU TO DEATH IN UNREALISTIC POSITIONS!!!

    Then there’s this announcer-dude in my head tracking Eric’s progress. What’s a 20-yard-line?? **snicker**

    Imma ignore Sookie as she draws Eric some diagrams on “football paper”….

    Thanks for the laugh gorgeous!!

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