For Godric’s Sake, BB, Wise The Fuck Up

Are Sweden

My hastily and badly written (and probably disjointed) thoughts regarding TB, and the whiney Brian Buckner.

*clearing throat*

 Yo, Brian Buckner:  STOPPIT WITH THE FUCKING WHINING.

You fucked up the finale of True Blood’s Season 6 (along with quite a few other aspects of this season’s TB) – just admit it, ask forgiveness, write “I am a dumbass” 5000 times, and get on with it already.

While I will absolutely grant that you walked into a train-wreck in progress at the beginning of Season 6, fact is, you STILL haven’t figured out what the REAL problems with True Blood actually ARE, and you certainly haven’t done anything to FIX those problems.

How do I know this?

BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO SHOVE BILL FUCKING COMPTON AND ALCIDE THE FLEABAG DOWN OUR COLLECTIVE THROATS!  OMG!  Are your brains STUCK or something???

You have YET to realize that a rather large percentage of your viewers want to see ERIC and SOOKIE together.  Not apart…  TOGETHER.

Say it with me now:  Eric and Sookie belong TO-GETH-ER. 

Geez.

You have also YET to realize that very few of us can tolerate Bill Fucking Compton and Alcide the Fucking Fleabag. And I really do NOT want to see Sookie dropping a litter of faepups.

To reiterate:

One of your worst problems is your phobia of Eric and Sookie getting together.  I’m actually beginning to wonder if you guys have hired CH’s drunk ghost writers to “write” for the show.

Now, let’s talk about how you guys keep whoring out Sookie to whichever appropriately-aged male you happen to have on the set that week.  Or, ok, let’s don’t talk about it and you just STOP IT. NOW.  Sookie is NOT a whore – stop acting like she is.  Your mamas would SO not be proud of you at this rate.

Oh, and do us ALL a favor and look up the definition of “continuity”, and then at least attempt to apply that concept to the “writing” on the show, ok?  Ok.

For the next part of this badly-written (hey, at least *I* admit it – why can’t you?) rant:

Guess what:  we know Alex/Eric has a peen.  We get it.  I’m certain it was beautiful, luscious, and incredible DESPITE the purposefully horrible angle of the shot.

But you know what?  His peen and the purposefully bad camera angle aren’t the issue. Trying to misdirect your audience from the horrible “writing” by exploiting a peen shot isn’t even the problem, although we all saw through that one immediately.

The bad “writing” and horrible mis- and under-use of Eric’s character are the problem for THIS rant segment.

You have the use of a powerful, talented, capable, intelligent 1000+ year old VIKING VAMPIRE who just happens to be drop dead (heh heh) sexy-fucking-gorgeous, and you’ve got him bowing and scraping to a comparatively teenybopper-aged Bill Fucking Compton…who you turned into a “god” who hallucinates naked bloody merkins running around at odd intervals and is too fucking retarded to, I don’t know, OPEN THE DOORS OF THE ROUND ROOM SO THE VAMPS CAN, UM, ESCAPE???

Srsly?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING OVER THERE? 

Put the ‘stupid pills’ down, crank in some oxygen, remove your heads from Bill and Alcide’s collective rectums, and start using your damn brains.

As for me, personally?  I’d dance with absolute joy if you’d finally get fucking bright enough to kill off Bill, Alcide, and whichever demon/god/faevamp you’ve got scheduled next, and get on with getting Eric and Sookie TO-GETH-ER.  Not apart.  TOGETHER.  Eric AND Sookie.  Together.  In the same scene at the same time and everything.

Oh, and for the love of Godric, STOPPIT with the dumbing down of Eric.  Srsly, y’all.  SUNBATHING NUDE on a MOUNTAIN TOP during the DAYLIGHT??  That was just bad, stupid, lazy, CH’esque writing.

Rant over.  Sorta.

*These are just my opinions.*

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8 thoughts on “For Godric’s Sake, BB, Wise The Fuck Up

  1. On a scale of 1-10 how bad is it that I got distracted by the Alex/Eric has a peen line and everything regarding that particular detail??? Well said, I LMFAO also!! Long live the Viking!!!! And more than one scene together in an entire season would be nice!!!!

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  2. Thank you!! I’m STILL angry about how they’ve mis-used and under-used Eric’s character, then used him to jump that damn shark…THEN tried to exploit his peen! UGH!!!!

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  3. Pingback: Under an Ancient Moon | Secret Nerd Princess

  4. “get on with getting Eric and Sookie TO-GETH-ER. Not apart. TOGETHER. Eric AND Sookie. Together. In the same scene at the same time and everything.”

    True fucking story right? I mean the amount of time that they’ve had together in the last two seasons combined wouldn’t even fill an hour long episode. Good god almighty. Did someone sign a fucking contract stating that the tall blonde sexy Swede can’t be anywhere near Sookie for fear her panties will fall off? (mine would–just saying)

    It’s like Dear BB,
    I’ve seen a penis before, I promise. But I prefer when they are not set on fire. Stop sexually harassing Askars (yes–he’s a sexy sexy man, we all know it) and trying to trick us into thinking there will be a sexy scene including him and spend your time actually writing a g*damn finale that makes fucking sense.
    Also: Buy a fucking dictionary. That scene was neither sexy nor provocative.
    That is all.

    One of the best comments I read somewhere (wish I could remember where) was “I could eat alpha bits and crap out a better script than what they handed us.”

    I’m so sick of these people not realizing what a goldmine they have in the character of Eric Northman. And no. I do not believe for one freaking second that he would sunbathe on top of a mountain in Sweden without somewhere to go when the day walking wore off. Cuz you know, it’s not like it hasn’t worn off in the past. Eric would have a plan b. and c. and d. and if all of those failed he would fucking improvise. He’s a thousand years old you freaking blind asshat.

    I imagine that in the picture of Askars naked reading the book he’s thinking: Jesus fuck. Really? I said i’d be naked, but for christ’s sake I didn’t think he’d set me on damn fire.

    End Rant.

    Love Me.

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  5. See? Exactly. (And now I want Alpha Bits…) They’ve totally beat and belittled his character to the point that they actually felt it was a “good” idea to have him sunbathe nude. How fucking retarded??? Ugh. And faking people out w/ the peen was low even for them.

    I figure Asshat Moyer has it “arranged” that Anna won’t be near Alex all that often for fear she’ll realize she chose the wrong one in REAL life, too.

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